


The Biggest Load of Bullshit

by KayleighMcCamyo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Beards, Bromance, Canon Compliant, Cuddling, Cutting, Depressing, Drunken Mistakes, Elounor, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sex, Gryles, Het Sex, Humor, Kissing, Lots of alcohol, M/M, Narry - Freeform, One Night Stands, Plot Twist, Sad, Sarcasm, Slash, Tattoos, bisexual!Louis, bisexual!harry, blowjob, breakdowns, brief tomlinshaw, ed and harry bromance, existentional crisis, hook-ups, larry - Freeform, larryhaylik, non-au, one side relationship, selfharm, threesome suggestion, translation by, zerrie, ziam, zouis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-04 14:11:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 24,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4140729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayleighMcCamyo/pseuds/KayleighMcCamyo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Would you believe that, Your Honor? She tripped and fell on a knife. Twenty seven times."</p><p>Or</p><p>The one where Louis is a dick, Harry is falling apart, Zayn is overprotective, Niall is afraid of arguments, Liam has ho idea whats going on, Grimmy is saving the day, Ed is the bro we all need and Perrie is the chillest person around. And, of course, Eleanor is hated by everyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Translated by my dear friend larryhaylik, the love of my life Dominic, my idiotic baby Mates, and myself, from my original work in czech language titled "Největší blbost", which I've written about 3 years ago.

Hows this, Larry is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard. I’m happy why can’t you accept that?

 

Harry stares at Louis’s tweet, not believing his eyes. The biggest load of bullshit. That’s what their relationship means to Louis. They’ve known each other for two years, they are best friends, always saying they’ll stick together no matter what, because that’s what best friends do, they love and would do anything for each other – and for Louis, for Harry’s Louis it’s all just a… a load of bullshit.

 

Somewhere in his stomach, the pain appears, a spreading cold feeling, going higher and higher, freezing his lungs, rising the bile up his throat, sending spikes of disgust that travel from neck to his back, down his thighs and calves. Blood rushes to his head, making it hurt way worse than he can remember it ever hurting. There’s a sound in his ears that resembles huge waterfalls, the blood is running cold, circulating slower, turning so thick it physically pains him. His throat is closing up, the tears cumulate in his eyes but they wouldn’t fall down, making his vision blurry and kind of sparkly. He cannot see the tweet or the replies whose number is increasing with every second now, but the words have burnt themselves onto the underside of his eyelids, into his brain and thoughts, into his heart.

 

For a few minutes he just sits there, the shock completely taking over. He breathes in only when the pain turns unbearable, the spinning in his head brings in nausea and Harry feels like vomiting any second.

 

 

The tears just wouldn’t fall. The longer they stay on the brink, the worse is the burning pain he feels, but he’s not able to either bring his arm up and wipe them or decide whether to cry or not.

 

 

The time has stopped, or at least it seems like it to him, because seconds, minutes, hours - they don’t matter anymore. A number of memories of Louis and their most intimate moments floads his unresponsive, impassive mind.

 

 

Finally, one emotion takes over when he remembers why all of this is happening – Eleanor.

 

 

The crying, the tears, the hitches of breath fill the darkened room along with despair and hopelessness.

 

 

 

A curly-haired boy is laying curled up on the bed, crying as much as is humanly possible until drowsiness and sleep take over at last.


	2. The mist appears only when it's not raining.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larryhaylik, Thank you so much for translating this story!

He wakes up, not knowing what’s going on in the slightest. Getting up, he stretches, heads for the bathroom and still yawning gets the sleeps out of his eyes. He feels like a bunch of half-crazed French fans has just run over him. He had a terrible, terrible dream, something about Louis tweeting shitty stuff. And still, he smiles at the thought of Louis.

Today, they’re doing an interview for BBC Radio 1. They might also sing, if their management allows it. Another Larry moment just within their reach… He looks into the mirror while brushing his teeth, and suddenly everything comes back to him. A memory of that horrible sentence, the piercing pain and despair. He grips the edge of the sink with all his might just to keep himself standing, his knees giving up.

Best friends shouldn’t call each other bullshit. Best friends shouldn’t put more weight to what people think instead of what their closest ones do, shouldn’t put their girlfriends in the front line. His best friend should… always be there for him.

No more of Hazza&Louis, Harry realizes. It’s not going to be the same again, ever. Because even if Louis tried to explain, Harry would still be sure that his response on Twitter was immediate, thus truthful. He’s happier with her, more than with Harry. He grips the edge of the sink even harder and looking into the mirror again, he smirks at himself.

“Pathetic,” red, clouded eyes, red nose, cheeks all welled up. “Get into the shower.”

Hot water helps, it always does. He feels fresher somehow. He couldn’t change Louis’ mind even if he wanted to. Truth be told, it seems strange that he hasn’t started to protest sooner. Maybe if he hadn’t stifled all that anger inside, he wouldn’t have exploded like that. They could’ve discussed it peace, together. Everything is better than choosing Twitter as an intermediary.

Twitter is pure evil. They figured that much out halfway through the X Factor. Disgusting. But he finally got the truth, didn’t he. For as long as Louis and Eleanor’s dating has been ‘a serious relationship’ (which means approximately three months), their friendship was fifty shades of unsatisfying. Cuddling and holding hands or, God forbid, flirting in public became an absolute taboo and the whole situation shifted somewhere… well, Harry would have to use the worst of his vocabulary to name it properly. He got used to think twice before he says anything, plainly because the paps were everywhere, pried into everything and didn’t understand humour, irony or sarcasm. He gets why House, Md. was full of scepticism. What could you do with this material? The audience is rotten, Bukowski is right. Well, he was, the debauched man.

Having made himself a cup of tea, he walks back into his room. The clothes he chooses are warm, English weather never changes. He should return that white sweater to Louis. Or perhaps… He doesn’t even know who does it belong to. They’ve always shared it, it was their sweater. Yeah, of course, all five of them shared clothes, but this one was special, being passed only between Louis and Harry. Just theirs. 

He shakes his head. There’s no ‘theirs’ anymore. 

Nothing.

He folds it, lays it into the wardrobe, the odds are Louis won’t want to share anything. Especially now that he’s so peachy. The ironic smirk gives away exactly how much he’s happy for them. On the other hand, he regrets it. As the best friend, he should be.

He returns to the kitchen and taking his cuppa he sits near the window. Misty West End provides a view to the whole centre of London. The mist appears only when it’s not raining. One part of him waits for Caesar to debark. He shouldn’t be using Asterix and obelix quotes, noone gets them and he’s seen as an idiot, quoting them. 

The grey sky promises bad flow.

He smiles to himself. Metaphors. He still can use one of those.

One look on the clock tells him he's got way too much time to spare. He won't go on the Internet at all today, he decides, Twitter would try to lure him in and make him response to Louis's message in some way or other. Reading newspapers, he drinks up his tea, eats some porridge, few spoonfulls of raspberry jam and several bonbons from an already opened bag. He should stick to his diet, he knows, feed himself regularly and healhtily and visit gym at least three times a week, but... uh. He's eighteen. Too young to be wise, distant and cynic. Adulthood doesn't come at eighteen sharp. He didn't know whether he can take care of himself. Not that Louis looked after him while they stayed together, but the feeling of not being alone in the empty flat...

Walking through the flat several times he recognises it too big for him alone. He moved in a month ago. He's still not used to it.

 

*** 

 

 

_ "These one-night stands of yours," Louis sighs, leaning on the door while stirring his tea. _

_ He's not angry, his voice calm and unnaturally even, for Louis. Like he's put some thought into it before he said that, Harry thinks absently. _

_ "Sorry," he has no idea what to say. "Maybe I'm not lucky enough to meet the one so quickly." _

_ Louis nods. "I don't mind when I'm alone. I put on some music or watch TV and I don't care what you're doing in your room, but... El's here all the time now and it was kind of embarrassing when you were... at it... last night and we wanted to sleep." _

_ "I didn't know she was here...," Harry murmurs, blushing. _

_ This talk, it's the third time this week and it's only Friday morning. "Maybe I should... um, find myself my own flat?" _

_ "I'm not pushing you out, mate," Louis responds immediately. "But... perhaps it'd be for the best. You wouldn't have to be concerned about me,as well as I about you. You'll always be welcomed here, of course, have your own room." _

***

Not that he wasn't saying the truth, he was. But during the past month he stayed over at Louis' only twice, Eleanor visiting her parents every time he did. He's not whining - El is not his cup of tea and spending time with her is more of him losing control then getting some rest with Louis. They are a wonderful pair, understanding each other and in love; Harry gets it. Or, he has no other choice but. Otherwise he'd suck in best-friends stuff so much he would have to stick his eye out with a carrot. Although this doesn't really concern Louis, some friendship. You see, it's the biggest load of bullshit.

He's not going to overthink it. As his grandma used to say: Everything has its end, nothing stays forever. He'll simply find himself another bestfriend. What about Liam? Oh, girlfriend. Zayn... no, same as Liam. And Niall has never been one to party, pull girls and enjoy all of it. Someone new, that's what would solve it. He needs someone who would listen to his grumbling, who would go out with him and wouldn't mind making a fool of himself. Someone who feels comfortable. 

He sighs. Maybe if his name weren't Harry Styles. Finding real friend isn't easy; add his widely-well-known face and it's downright impossible. And Louis... well, the end of One Direction gets nearer, he wouldn't say more than a year, till the end of the second tour, although that's not so close now.

August in England is almost freezing. He could go for a walk. Shopping is needed and some borrowed film would be nice. He doesn't feel like going clubbing alone. He will end up in a club no matter what, though. 'Friends' are everywhere. He tries to pretend that his world hasn't crumbled down. It works for now.

He watches TV, thinking about nothing important. Actually, there should have been a full-stop after 'nothing'. Important doesn't exist to him anymore. The one last thing that remains is his mother. Though... he doesn't want to talk to her right now. She would worry. And she can't help. Even if she’d wanted with all her heart and soul. 

There's not even a valid reason for him to freak out this bad. It's not like Louis called off their whole friendship. Only, he called off all of their moments. The humor they shared. The teasing Harry had loved. Walking down the street hand in hand? Why not. Cuddle every evening while watching TV? Why not. Flirt with each other in front of the cameras? Why not. Leave for the Alps unexpectedly to ski? Why not. Doing the weirdest faces while being photographed? Why not. Share clothes? Why not. Sleep in one bed? Why not. Come up with mad games no one else understands? Why not. Judge people and laugh at them, or admire them? Why not. 

All gone. 

These times passed away, fleeting like summer. And the funny Louis, doing pranks to entertain everyone, the immature, absentminded guy full of life and enthusiasm, passed away too. In his stead, there's only this boring something that sticks to his kinda wifey as if they were glued together.

What a place to end up in, he rolls his eyes. He's not sure why they have drifted apart like this. Not a long time ago, probably. But this much he knows - their friendship ended yesterday evening.

Larry Stylinson. It's always been fun. They had fun, not caring what people say. They were together, they were happy. And then Eleanor comes, dancing in and says hi, so how about we destroy this fabulous friendship? Shame on her.

He lets out another sigh. She hasn't though she could make this much damage, surely. Looking at the fact that Louis didn't even bother to point it out to her...

He won't switch on his phone. He won't contact Louis to ask him what it was all about. It's not worth it.

He shakes his head. Why talk about it? Why even think about it, it's just a load of bullshit, right?

 

He doesn't notice the tears streaming down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!^^


	3. She tripped and fell on a knife.

He's a bit worried about their meeting. Like, the one with BBC. It's likely he won't be able to even look at him. He'll pretend nothing has happened. Putting on his coat, he takes a deep breath in his tidy living room, or what he considers his living room. This flat is quite big. He shouldn't live here alone. It seems there's no other choice though. Niall is at Zayn's most of the time anyways. And he doesn't want just some roommate. He wants his one and only roommate. Out of all of the seven-and-half billion population he wants the one and only Louis William Tomlinson.

He leaves the flat and tries to cover the shake in his hands with throwing his keys up in the air and catching them again. Ironically, his stomach turns once he sits down into his car; starting it is almost impossible. His eyes fill with tears and he quickly wipes them off, focusing on driving. He can't afford to kill himself, that would disappoint too many people.

The studio is not so far - everything seems to be close, here in London. He got used to the city quite soon. It's just a village with a bit higher number of citizens. A human is a bitch, gets used to everything. Just a fact. 

He has to go to the library. He needs some crappy poetry. Needs to occupy his mind with something else than that… bullshit. Chasing the thoughts out of his mind, he concetrates on the car. Good for nothing, these days are. It's starting to rain.

Parking in front of the studio, he gets out of the car and his stomach turns upside down once again, as he sees the one he doesn't want to even think about.

"Hey, Hazza!" Louis waves at him, free of emotion.

"Hey," Harry murmurs, trying to conceal what's going on inside of him.

One builds an inside wall quickly. It somehow becomes a regular part of everyday‘s routine.  He could deny his own sister without batting an eyelash. And in this mood? He could kill a certain lady and blame it on herself. _You wouldn't believe, your honour, she’s  tripped and fell onto a knife. Twenty seven times._

"Harry, I called you, texted you and you haven't answered... I just... just wanted to tell you that the whole Larry thing and..."

"I know. You're in a long-term relationship," Harry interrupts him calmly, stopping few steps before him so the paps standing nearby don't think they're touching or something.

 Louis' girl might feel offended if he hugged him hello when they haven't seen each other in a week, might they not. He hasn't got enough time to even roll his eyes before he's engulfed in a tight and comforting hug. Niall.

"Hey, mate! How have you been? You haven't even sent me a good-morning text, what's up?"

"Ah, I'm sorry, I was kinda... socially occupied and also I felt alone in the flat, so I brought... the fun home," Harry gives a small smile and his friend understands.

"Hm, hm, someone's been enjoying themselves and forgot about their friends, is that it? And Liam and I were just watching films..."

Harry pulls a face, making Niall laugh.  The paps snap pictures as if their lives depended on it. He hears Eleanor. Turning his back to the paps, he hides his tears. Quick, he has to say something funny, so he and Niall will laugh and he could wipe away happy tears. 

"When she spreads her legs, why shouldn't I go for it?"

Niall chuckles and adds: "Well, Liam could spread his legs, but that wouldn’t make me want to go for it...!"

The laughter Harry lets out is not pretended. The picture of two of his friends having sex is not funny, he couldn't care less, although he must admit that he had a feeling several times throughout the tour that the two of them have to be involved with each other somehow. He imagines Liam as a bottom and nearly chokes himself. And Niall is laughing... god knows why. But it doesn't matter. Harry can wipe his eyes and no one even notices.

Keep it together, Harold. You're just a bullshit. Just a damned load of bullshit; crap, and lies. Nothing more. C'mon, Harry, you won't cry. Nothing's going on. You're not a child, damn it. You're behaving like a teenage girl after a break up. _And apart from that, Louis and I were never together._

Liam and Zayn hug him shortly, too. From their chatting he assumes that they've just spent a night together. His stomach fills with the cold feeling of jealousy and pain that resembles yesterday's evening, but he quickly chases it away. Liam, Zayn, Niall, not one of them knows that Harry was actually all alone in his flat, absolutly gutted, all because of what Louis had written. Of what he obviously doesn't regret.

"Hey, Hazz, what's going on with you?" Liam asks him stealthily halfway through the shoot.

Harry has made sure to keep on his facade of satisfaction and kind-of happiness, but all along he's been whispering to his soul fansfansfansfansfans, like it was a magical mantra that would prevent him from falling down on this very floor on this very spot in a fit of helpless sobbing. He's got to be strong. He's got to get over it. He cannot let this feeling ruin his personality, the way the fans want to see him. The way they need to see him. The way the management needs to see him. If he does something nice, considerate, praiseworthy, he will recieve two or three pleasant tweets or few meme pics with a nice comments. But should he do something bad, Twitter will crumble down, the media won't write about anything else for months and the fans will be disappointed. He's got to be strong. This 'perfect life on the Sunset Boulevard' contains more cons than pros. Lately.

Maybe a suicide is what should he give a shot? – Ha, ha, says the cynic. Murder? ... No. Going crazy? Hm, that doesn't sound so bad. He shakes his head.

"Nothing, Liam," he tells him and pays attention to the camera again.

"Show us some love, boys!" says one of the reporters, the one with a SLR camera in her hands.

 

Harry gets inbetween Zayn and Niall quickly, sneaking an arm round their waists, trying not to look left or right, just smile into the camera, turn a bit into Niall and smile at him, Zayn makes an about-to-kiss-you face at him and Harry quickly pulls on his happily-surprised face and Niall starts to laugh...


	4. Sewer cleaners from Moscow.

 

He doesn't talk to anybody in the dressing room. It's not his thing. He changes into a normal tee and jeans, lets himself be led further into the building where the studio is, the place they're supposed to be interviewed.

"Hey, so, that's all I ha- oh, hi, One direction!" radio DJ welcomes them. "Hello there, I'm Nick the Grimmy Grimshaw and I have got some damn important questions for you."

"It wasn't me!" Harry exclaims instantly.

The boys burst out laughing, whereas Nick catches on: "I bet that whatever happened on that morning two days ago, it was your idea, mister Styles. What's your excuse for tommorow's evening?"

"I swear, that pineapple pie had already been eaten this morning, so it couldn't have been me who killed her on tommorow morning!" Harry defends himself, trying not to laugh out aloud.

Nick's face is perfectly serious. "So you claim that the fence had already been painted red last week? Well, I don't know about you, Watson, but I do not believe this eldery woman."

They both begin to laugh and Harry reaches out with his hand: "Hi, I'm Harry, nice to meet you, Nick."

Nick chuckles happily, shaking first Harry's and then the other boys' hands, all the while keeping his eyes on the youngest one.

"So, sit down, children," he tells them like they've known each other for years. Harry quickly catches the seat nearest to Nick.

Likable. Looks like he's in his late twenties, has good sense of humor...

"So you're One direction - oh, I'm a bit nervous, how do I look?"

"Perfect," Harry answers immediately.

"Oh, I'm blushing, Harry Styles just told me I look perfect, I gotta send it to all my haters on Facebook," Nick says in the gayest accent Harry has ever heard.

He laughs way harder than he did a minute ago, but closes his mouth as soon as Nick starts to talk again.

"You look good, too, dollface," he continues, keeping the accent on, and Harry tries to guard his facial features because he doesn't know whether the cameras are still on or not. "You always look good - maybe it's the long legs or perhaps the sexy hair and the dimples, oh, Harry, make a child to me with eyes as green as yours...!"

Niall and Zayn nearly fall to the ground from how bad they're laughing, Liam turns his face down to hide the laughter into his palms while Harry tries to quickly come up with a funny response.

"Don't you want to marry me first...?"

Nick lets his head fall back a bit and rests one hand on his forehead theatrically: "Oh, Harry Styles wants to marry me, oh god, the darkness is coming to take me...!"

And the game ends as quickly as it began. Nick smiles, as does Harry. Nick hands him the microphone and sits down, other assistants bringing another four mics for the rest of the band. "Going live in twenty secs," he says to the boys, this time seriously.

Harry cannot tear his eyes away from Nick, still smiling. They used to do this sort of silly stuff with Louis. And only Louis knew how to make him laugh this much. A quick look to Louis's direction tells him he sits stiffly, staring on the table, looking as if the whole situations was... unpleasant. For him, that is. Embarassing, maybe? Oh, that's it. Louis ain’t no fag and this was exactly the kind of humor that caused so many people to tell him he was. With Harry, on a top of that. That's why he let everybody know it was the biggest load of bullshit he has ever heard. Harry rolls his eyes.

No thoughts of this sort, Styles.

"Hello lovely persons, it's your beloved Grim Nicky, uh, Nick Grimmy actually, pardon me, I'm truly nervous and it's taking all I have not to start screeching, because five of the sexiest guys this planet has ever known is sitting right in front of me, and yes, you're right, it's the sewer cleaners of our city!"

Niall positively explodes, so loud Harry is deaf for a while and Zayn falls under the table; Harry bursts out laughing.

"C'mon guys, I'm kidding, of course, not that dustmen aren't sexy, I'd love to have one of those overalls of theirs and also I'd like- oh, I'm getting carried away, it's One direction! Say hello to our readers," encourages them Nick.

"Hello, readers of the BBC Radio 1," says Harry politely and Niall gives in to the fits of helpless giggles again.

"Good morning," greets Louis, smiling.

"Hey," Zayn waves into the camera for those who listen and watch online.

"Oh, right, hi, dear readers!" Even Liam's smiling, which gets Niall laying on the table again.

"Poor boy," says Nick sympathetically. "I think this is some kind of serious illness, to laugh at matters as serious as the readers of BBC Radio 1 or my and Harry's child... well, Niall, stop the laughing right now, it's really not funny anymore, I'll never get this boy's humor... Hey, One direction, back in London, how do you like it here? Did you miss your motherland or would you rather go back to America?"

Surprisingly, it's Niall who starts to speak: "America was amazing."

"Better weather," Liam interrupts him.

"But dustmen are not as sexy there as they are here," Harry adds; Niall is laughing once again whereas Zayn hasn't stopped yet.

"That's true. But some of us were looking out for the fans rather than dustmen-" Louis tries to get the conversation on more intelectual level.

Nick lets out a breath of horror: "You look out for girls more than dustmen?! Shame on you all!"

"I tell them all the time!" Harry shouts out loudly into the maddnes. "But they wouldn't listen to me!"

"It's not easy with them, I see," Nick acknowledges. "Hey, kids, I have a question for you... how is it with your living arrangements? I heard that Harry... sort of... lives... with Louis...?"

"Yeah, we used to live together, but now we both have our own flat," Louis answers.

"Yeah, Louis's in a relationship and I... well, you know, girls, partying, constant stripping off...," Harry laughs, hoping it would cover the breaking of his voice.

Checking his bandmates quickly he finds out no one has noticed, fortunatelly. Then he lifts his eyes to Nick and coldness creeps down his back. The look the older man is giving him... that sad, knowing smile... like he knew exactly how Harry feels. It's likely he knows about the tweet. His best friends obviously don't know or they don't feel like mentioning it. See, Louis is right. It's just a load of bullshit. Nothing that's worth attention. That could worth it, or what should be paid attention to. You see, Harry doesn't have feelings you could hurt.

"Of course, we know our people, don't we, Harry?" Nick winks at him. "If you were my roommate, I totally wouldn't mind you walking round the flat naked if you wouldn't mind seeing me up – oh well, ladies and gentlemen, usually known as the readers of BBC Radio 1, here's the brand new Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj song. After that, we will be back, your DJ Nick Grimmy and today's guests, sewer cleaners that came all the way from Moscow!"

Switching the music on, Nick pulls down his headphones while the boys laugh with all they have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, and of course, big love @larryhaylik for the translation. Love you all!


	5. So you can colour me in

"Hey, guys, I hope you don't mind the way I express myself, well, Louis looks kinda pissed off - I'm sorry. I didn't want to flirt with your BFF," he apologises and Harry realizes he likes how Nick behaves.

He should find out something more about this guy once he's home, even though it's not something he usually does, but Harry feels he is something special. He doesn't care what people think even when he acts like a full fag, doesn't care what the listeners think - but he's successful it seems; he wouldn't be here otherwise.

"Hey, Styles!" Nick waves his hand in front of Harry‘s face. "I'm doing my best to seduce you and you're totally overlooking me!"

"Sorry, sorry, I was just... taken aback by your charm, so I pictured our wedding and-"

Nick ends up under the table when the laughter brings him to his knees. Quickly recovering, he says into the microphone: "Children, should I hear one more time from anyone that Harry Styles is a fame-crazed teen, I'll kick the dishonest dumbass in the ear..."

Niall bursts out laughing, whereas Zayn doesn't even care to lift his head from the table. "Kick in the ear...!"

1D seems to like Nick, it's obvious to him and everyone from the radio crew - that's why he lets down the rest of his worry-walls and gives the boys all of his humor, innuendos and halftruths covered in a performance of exquisite speech. Harry has probably never seen anyone playing with words this easily. Almost as if Nick was an inexhaustible keep of words and synonyms.  No repeating, no hitches, no hmms, no _just_ s or _I mean_ s no _like_ s. And most importantly - he's being himself. He has got a style. He doesn't care about anything.

Harry wishes he could stop caring about what people think. He has since the X Factor. But it's still here. He quickly listens to the conversation, not knowing what excuse he would use this time. Maybe kids...? He wants a boy first and then, two, three years later, a girl. Nick would make a good dad. Harry doubts he already is - he wouldn't act like a teenager if he had a family.

"Zayn, there's a war going on on Twitter, about which one of your tattoos is the latest, if you had a rhomb tattoed... you know where... whether you're taken or not, whether you're actually... wait, what? Oh, yeah, whether you're actually nicknamed Coloring Book... ops, it might have been me who let that last one out yesterday evening when I was looking at your pictures, sorry."

"It's alright, no, I'm not taken right now. And no, I have no rhomb and I won't have it. And you can call me Coloring Book if you want to. Maybe I'll give you few black and white photos of me so you can colour me in..."

Harry nearly knocks himself off the table. Zayn's not this funny and most importantly this talkative very often with strangers. Usually only when he's having a really, really good time.

"Oh, look, I'm supposed to ask you this, some girl tweeted it to us, whether are the America clubs better than the London ones."

"Hm...," Louis muses.

"I think London wins, because we know it 'round here, more or less, so, you know."

"Also... they play better music here," Louis adds right after Harry. "And the same for the drinks, right, Harry?"

"Dunno, I liked it just the same everywhere. I think, for me, it's more important who you are with than where you are, so... there's no big differences."

"Oh right, you were everywhere with Louis, weren't you? We all know, yes, we do," Nick stops them with a knowing face pulled up. "Next question is... oh, no, just some spam..."

Nick looks a bit more serious for a moment and the kind of look that he gives Harry makes him one hundred percent sure that Nick sees about a trillion questions concerning that biggest load of bullshit Louis has ever heard about. And he's damn grateful that Nick doesn't ask. Intelligent. He should be friends with this Nick Grimshaw. He needs a person like him in his life. Vitally.

Most of the questions are not aimed at him. As if Nick knew that Harry is out of it. But try to conceal something from the fans.

"Harry, the fans ask why are you so quiet?" Nick says, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I'm thinking about our children…" Harry mutters an excuse he made up few minutes before.

Nick laughs a little. "Fans want to know the saddest moment of your life."

"When I lost my best friend," Harry murmurs, not fully conscious of what he's saying.

Silence follows. It's Nick who saves the situation; yet again. "Hey, Harry, chin up! Should I find you a girl? Dear readers, this is Nick Grimmy, your DJ Directioner and his crew of dustmen! We will be back after a short break."

Harry sends Nick a grateful smile for doing everything he possibly could. He stands up, claiming he needs to wash his hands. He gets into the corridor, leans upon the wall and breathes out. Dammit, Styles! He hits the wall, not much, just enough so he feels the pain but doesn't really hurt himself. That would cause to much questions. The door opens and Harry doesn't need to look up to know it's Liam.

"It's alright, mate, just my head sp- oh, Nick, sorry, I thought-"

"I'm sorry, Harry, it didn't occur to me that you'll say this, I thought it would be... getting kicked off from the X Factor or something like that, I didn't intend to speak about that Larry thing, I'm so sorry...!"

"You've got nothing to apologise for, it's not you fault," he wipes on his wet eyes. "And thanks for the censoring, for steering away the attention, I... I just... can't cope."

He has no clue why he's saying this to a person who is practically a stranger.

"It's alright, mate, easy. You have the right to scream out the anger, but you shouldn't hurt yourself. It would only make it harder. What about I gave you my number? You could call whenever you felt like  talking. Or we could go clubbing, let out the steam...?"

It's almost as if he knew what Harry feels.

"Thanks, Nick, but I don't want to intrude or disturb you..."

"Oh, come on! I see how bad it is for you. You don't have to lie to me. Simply, if you feel like it," he pulls Harry's phone out of his front pocket, typing in his number. "Gimme a call. We will think of something, even if it's something as lame as getting drunk in a bar. Lets go back in there, we have to finish that stupid interview. I wanted to get it canceled when I saw my Twitter feed this morning, but it's not in my power. And rather than risking that someone else interviews with you instead... I promise there'll be no mention of Larry in the next twenty minutes."

Harry doesn't know how to thank him.

It comes in as a jab in the ribs - _that's_ what the best friends are supposed to be like. He returns to the studio right after Nick, glaring at Louis, who probably hasn't even noticed that Harry had left. Maybe it's time to... move on.

The past two years have been amazing.

Now... now they should move on. Discover possibilities. There's no bright future waiting for One direction. These days are not made for boybands, he thinks ironically. Bad poetry. And the audience is even worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys, so I hope you liked it? And again, thank you so much for reading and thanks to larryhaylik, my dear freand, for this translation. I have tumblr? If you'd like to message me up or ask me anything you can do so in czech or english language here: slashandspol.tumblr.com, or here ask.fm/KayleighMcCamyo (ask would be better, im here more often).
> 
> See you tomorrow with a new chapter.


	6. Fuck the others

Although he's still a bit shaken up, he arrives home safely. He must be radiating bad vibes, though - when he stopped to shop, not a single fan approached him. Or maybe no one recognizes him without Louis. Maybe he's not important to anybody. He doesn't know.

Opening his door, he breathes out. He takes off his coat and leaves his keys on a little table near the door, carrying on to the kitchen to get the goods to their shelves. He stops in front of the open fridge like he's forgotten why he even came here. What he wanted. It's the beeping of the freezing alarm, telling him the tempereture's gone far too high, that brings him out of his clouded mind. He closes the fridge and moves to the window. Looking on the center of London, on the river Thames, the Eye, the rooves of nameless houses he tries to find the place where Louis lives. Mindlessly. He doesn't know why he's doing it.

His phone rings. He jerks and reaches down to his pocket. A message.

_What was up with you today, Haz?_

He smiles a little. He anticipated that someone would notice, thought it would be Liam, but surprisingly it's Zayn who texted. For some reason it gladdens him more. Maybe it's just the fact that even after two years together the boys still manage to surprise him. He hesitates for a bit. He answers in a few minutes, as soon as the fact that Zayn might actually be concerned about him downs on him. He doesn't want to lie to his friends.

_Nothing, I'm alright._

But he can't be honest. Not now... perhaps not ever. He opens a window. The wind is making his hair fly around his face. He looks out. He thinks. Zayn has left a cigarette pack behind the last time he's been here. He swore he wouldn't do this, but...

He sighs; it won't leave him be. Returning to the living room he reaches under the coffee table and retrieves a half-empty pack of cigarettes. He plays with it with his fingers. Sitting down on the couch he looks at it, turns it around, examinates the design, reads through the warnings and composition.

He won't drop this low. He puts the pack aside and gets back to the kitchen; the flat is suddenly cold because of the window he's left open. He makes himself a cup of tea. The second one today, he thinks. He doesn't notice he hasn't cleared up the bought things until he pours water over his green-tea-and-citrus tea bag. He shakes his head, this is not normal. Opening the fridge he realizes why he's frozen up the last time. The apple juice. Every time Louis came over he would bring Harry juice because he knew it was Harry's favourite. And because it meant they could do anything. And that Harry should be sticking up to his healthy diet, but Louis is a rebel and together they could do anyting. Louis won't tell it on him.

He quickly throws everything into the shelves, who cares if it's not neat, and closes the invention of evil. He passes the living room with plenty distance, plainly because of the pack he has left on the couch. Alright. No kitchen or living room today. He heads for his bedroom even though the only thing it reminds him of is Louis' laughter, when they lay on the bed and watched movies or played videogames or talked. Or read fanfiction - they laughed the most at these times. And then it was so funny(at least to Harry) to play the situations the authors made up, or imagine them, discuss them, exagerratedly or seriously.

Harry has always secretly picked the ones they will read beforehand and then pretented it was a 'chance-meeting'. He always picked the best ones, usually extra funny or super cute, where nothing serious happened, no disgusting things, just... caresses, maybe, or a kiss. Those he loved just as well as Louis. They usually cuddled afterwards. Or acted really nice with each other. And Harry listened to whispered sweet nothings, let his hair be petted, his back be stroked, let himself be cuddled.

He recalls one story out of the blue, one he will probably remember 'til the day of his death. Sadly, he can't for the life of him remember the name of the author or the fic itself. He should dearly love it to read it again. It brings wonderful memories.

Basically, it was about the two of them having an argument. The amazing thing about it was that the story began with Harry leaving still-their flat and getting into the car while Louis shouted through closed door: "Yeah, just run, like every time there's a problem!" Harry thought about Louis and the times they were together, good and bad, and being lost in his thoughts he lost control over the car and caused a great car crush. That's when the points of view changed, and there was Louis, staring at the news that told him about an accident on the highway near their flat, recognized the license plate of Harry's car. He found out that four people died but naturally he didn't know a thing about Harry. He caught the name of the hospital from the news, got into the car and thought about the best moments he had had with Harry, a lot of few-word flashbacks, all of them cute or sweet or funny. Louis arrived to the hospital and no one knew where Harry was, no one wanted to tell him a thing, because he couldn't prove he was a relative, but at last he persuaded the head nurse to give him information. In the end she found out that nobody of the name of Harry Styles had been brought into the hospital.

With these words, the story ended.

And it was the most beautiful and sorrowful thing they had ever read. It brought tears to their eyes and they stayed close to each other whole evening and whole night, hugging, caressing, kissing, making their presence sure, and no, it won't happend to them, because Louis would never betray Harry like that, he wouldn't let him drive upset or angry...

He smirks. It was six months ago he promised that nothing would ever chage between them. That they would be the best of friends forever. That he would do anythingfor Harry.

He didn't expect him to break their relationship so early. Because of her.

If Louis was happy, then alright, he would let him go, let him do as he pleases, let him be hers. But he doesn't seem happy. At least he doesn't seem so to Harry. And also to Zayn. Probably.

Another message makes his phone beep.

_What was it today, between you and Louis? You had a fight?_

Harry laughs quietly. Oh, would that it be it. That would mean that peace making is coming, along with forgiveness and forgetfulness, and that everything will be the same again.

 _Have you been on Twitter today?_ Harry answers.

He didn't want to at first. But to Zayn, maybe he can.

_You know I deleted my account. No matter what anyone said, don't think much of it. You're amazing and gorgeous, fuck the others!_

_Any time, Zaynnie_ , Harry thinks, _anytime and anyone, but it shouldn't include best friends._

_Thanks._

Zayn doesn't answer to that, probably satisfied with what he's got. And Harry feels like crying. Again. Closing his eyes, he counts to three. It helps a bit.

He holds his phone in his hands for a while and hesitates before he writes a message that says _Need you_ and sends it to the only person that could possibly help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! Thanks to larry haylink for the translation, you are such a dear, babe, i love you. And thank you all so much for reading! Kudos and comments are always welcome and if you want to talk or ask me anything, message me up on tumblr http://slashandspol.tumblr.com, or ask http://ask.fm/KayleighMcCamyo. 
> 
> See ya around (hopefuly tomorrow woth another chapter).   
> Kayleigh


	7. I'd flirt with him better

 

He's been waiting for an answer for a minute, two, three, not trying to hide his tears anymore; there's no reason. He's alone, no one to see him. No paps nor anyone who he would have to pull another mask on for, would have to hide from. Himself, his real being, his thoughst and opinions. He doesn't have to guard himself now. Five minutes, and the only person who he had thought would help him doesn't show any signs of interest. Hopelessness, sadness, absolute despair and inability to deal with it. No one answers his calling. No one understands. No one cares.

The bell rings throughout the flat very unexpectedly. A sudden, unusally loud sound cuts through the empty loneliness like a lightning through clear summer sky and Harry jumps up, startled. Who could it be? The boys wouldn't make it here so quickly and it's quite possible Louis's even forgotten who Harry Styles is. Not many people know where exactly he lives. So...

He gets up, opens the door and is immediately wrapped in a giant hug. The cologne and the ginger hair he recognizes at once. He came. And judging from the time it took him to get here from the central London, he must've been on his way already by the time Harry's message reached him. It warms him up. He hugs his friend back just as tightly.

"I got here as soon as possible. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read it..."

Well, there's more of us, Ed. "Thanks."

"It's nothing, baby," Ed whispers, not even thinking about letting Harry go. "Had something happened before? You had a fight or...?"

"No," he shakes his head lightly. "Nothing. He just... wrote it."

Ed sighs, closing the door, and pushes the younger boy gently further into his flat. "Have you read the conversation that followed?"

Harry shakes his head and leads his visitor into the living room. Ed notices the pack of cigarettes on the couch immediately and looks at Harry, shocked. Harry smiles a bit, shaking his head. "It's not mine. Zayn forgot it here."

Ed nods slowly, maybe contemplating about how much does he trusts his friend. "Harry, something must've happened, if you didn't upset him then someone else had to, because even though Louis is downright insufferable at times, this isn't like him. Yeah, we both agree that fame's got into him, but it's never occured that he had been nasty on the girls on Tumblr or Twitter. It really hasn't. Something must've changed, or he's been reading something about himself, but he couldn't have meant it without having a reason."

"He gave a reason," Harry points out quietly, sitting down beside Ed. "He said he had a girlfriend."

Ed rolls his eyes and snakes his arm along Harry's shoulders. "Some serious business, truly."

Smirking, Harry rests upon Ed's shoulder. "I don't even know why it bothers me so much."

"Best friend betrayed you, Harry. I would think you were a heartless bastard if you weren't hurt," he explains softly, not sure about what level of sarcasm is acceptable right now.

But knowing Harry as he does, he's sure Harry won't mind this kind of humor. And he doesn't, by the way.

"Sometimes I felt as if it was all just a lie, this best friend thing. Because mostly we were more of a... couple," he murmurs into Ed's hoodie.

"We all felt like that at times, baby. Louis had always been really nice to you, but since this summer it's been... weird. Ever since you've started the American leg of the tour it's been obvious even in public."

"Actually, since July it has been obvious only publicly. Louis claimed he wanted to turn the Larry stuff down a notch because of Eleanor. It'd be the same at home, we restricted ourselves in public only, I agreed to that, it was truth that some people... exaggerated a bit when saying Eleanor was a beard for Louis' and mine loving relationship..."

"But you gotta admit some of these authors are pretty good," his friend hits him fondly into shoulder.

Harry blushes. "Yeah, I know. But it hurt El and I didn't want that, because that hurt Louis. And then, after the tour, when we came back... you know, before, we... well, had slept in the same bed most of the time, because we both hate sleeping alone. But on the second night after we had returned he said he wanted me to... well, that I should get out because he wants to sleep."

Ed is at loss of words. He wants to console the boy, but not offend Louis at the same time, because he's his friend as well. True, should he see him now, their conversation wouldn't be very friendly, but still he knows to keep his head cold; he really can't throw all the filth at Louis. "I just don't know what made him... overreact so much. I get that enough is enough but... this is just... weird."

Harry nods a little, curling closer to Ed. He keeps quiet for a few minutes, letting his back be stroked, before he speaks up again: "I think I dreamed it all up."

His ginger companion nods. "I thought your relationship was... stronger. And Louis less vain."

Silence settles again.

"What should I do, Eddie?" He asks helplessly and a bit like he's about to cry.

"Move on, Harry. I know it hurts, but hey, we're here for you - you know that, don't you?"

He nods. Even if the sky falls, he will still have Ed. And Zayn. And Niall. And Liam. And maybe... maybe Nick?

"Hey, I listened to you this morning on BBC Radio 1," Ed remembers suddenly, as if he could read his friend's mind. "You flirted with Nick really nice, that's for sure. I wasn't able to solve my crossword when I listened to you..."

Harry lifts his head up from his shoulder, he can't help but chuckle."Yeah, he was amazing. He asked us Twitter questions and... kept clear of anything Larry related and made me laugh, he was really amazing. Like, he understood. And he gave me his number and said I could call whenever I needed. That we would go clubbing or something..."

"Hey, that's great! It seems you get each other. Like, humor and all... I know that's a must for you, mate," he tries to be positive. Like he always does with Harry. He hates it when Harry's sad. "Apart from that, with him, you can be sure he won't find himself a girlfriend and flush your friendship down the toilet."

He says it like it's not important. Harry's thoughts stop and he looks up: "Why shouldn't he?"

"Well, you know. He's gay."

Harry's eyes bulge. "Really?"

"Yeah, he even hinted it a few times during your inteview... and he said it himself in some talkshow, maybe a month ago or so..." he shrugs. "I thought you knew and that's why you were flirting with him like that..."

"If I knew, I'd flirt way more..." Harry murmurs and makes Ed laugh.

"If I didn't know you, I'd say you're in need of a girl."

"But you know me," Harry giggles.

"Yeah, I do. And I know you need a best friend, bro. Nick's a wise choice. You won't get bored. And maybe you'll get out of all the One direction shit. Louis'll clear his head and perhaps after some time, he will find that he's missing his Hazza - and if not, you'll have Nick. And me, if you'll have me," he kisses Harry's forehead and lets him rest on his shoulder. "We'll make it through, babe."

"Thanks, Ed," he breathes out, calmer now. "Really, thank you for coming..."

"There's nothing to thank me for. That's what brothers are here for."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the... humor... I'm. Yeah.   
> Anyway, thanks to larryhaylik, my dear friend, who translated this part, and thanks to everyone who are reading or commenting/leaving kudos. Love you all^^
> 
> Kayleigh.


	8. Bitch please, I'm Harry Styles.

This is what Harry needs. It's not about a girl, sex, kissing or the physical side. It's about trust and joy and fun and maybe a bit of cuddling, and being comfortable, mainly about being comfortable. He doesn't need sex - all he has to do is point his finger to get that. Boy or girl, _Bitch please, I'm Harry Styles, everyone wants to have sex with me_ , Harry thinks sarcastically. What he really needs is this sort of relationship he has with Ed. But the thing is, Ed doesn't share his humor and most of his opinions. Harry's sort of... active, in for every kind of fun, whereas Ed is a calm person who loves his home best. So yeah, brothers - but best friend should share more. It's good they both feel it the same way. They trust each other, love each other, guard their secrets, emotions, hopes and dreams, but their image of spending free time is different - and they respect it.

Nick, on the other hand, is the safest way of finding new people and enjoying both the present and the mad radio DJ that Harry has immediately taken liking to. He needs a friend that acts like him. Like Louis acts. _Used to act,_ Harry corrects himself quickly.

"I gotta go to the studio," Ed says when they're peacefully watching TV, altought neither of then knows what's actually on. It's not important. "You can come with me, if you don't want to be alone in here."

Harry smiles a little, grateful that Ed takes care of him like this, but he doesn't want to interrupt or bother. Apart from this, he feels better. Ed stayed. "Thanks, but I don't want to disturb you at work. The fans wouldn't thank me if I kept you from your writing," he laughs a bit.

Ed strokes his hair. "You never disturb, baby."

Harry blushes pale pink. "Thanks. I really don't know how I could-"

"It's alright, Harry," Ed stops him. "I love you, bro - and Louis, too, even though I'd smash his face if I met him right now..."

Harry's not sure whether he would be glad or sorry, should Ed do what he says. He should be glad. But the chances are he'd be sorry. Probably. He rises, following Ed to the door. He truly doesn't want to delay him.

"You don't happen to have some way of contacting Nick so he could bring you out somewhere, do you?" asks Ed before he gets his jacket on.

Harry recalls the corridor situation. "In fact... I do. He saved his number in my phone himself and said I could call... Thinking of it now, he could've meant it as a date, if he really likes boys..."

Ed chuckles. "And even if, then what? You'll tell him you like girls and also teasing the media."

They both burst out laughing, because yeah, that's true. Hugging one last time, Ed starts his way through rainy West End. He likes this borough, it's not as quiet as East End, but it's really nice in here. More... spacious or something. Getting into the car it occurs to him that he's never liked Louis that much. Well, he definitely found the highest number of faults in him. The fame got him the fastest. He's the most docile one. He can't deal with what's going on in his life. Zayn's always neck deep in some shit, but that's mainly because he can't grow used to the fact that people know him and nearly worship him. In a year's time, the fame has brought only negatives. The more when they're this famous. The management wants to get the most out of it and the boys... no one really cares about them. He sighs. The second album is likely to be the last one as well. On the other hand, they've made a huge deal of work. Harry's made the biggest part, it would seem. He grew up too quickly. Way, way too quickly.

He thinks about Harry and One direction so hard he nearly forgets he's driving a car, but his arrival into the studio is safe. Immediately, he finds his phone and send Harry a message:

_Ring Nick. He'll be glad and you'll get out of it all. Stay strong, bro._

He wishes he could help his friend somehow. But he can't. He can't help him otherwise then offer him the comfort of his arms and his presence. He wants to, he really does. But there's just no way. Harry has to get over it, because Ed doubts Louis will find his brain out of the blue.

"Hey, Ed! Where have you been? We've been waiting for an hour!"

"Sorry, family business," he waves off his manager with the slight Ed smile. "I want to write, and I don't want anyone interrupting me, okay?"

"Yeah, of course. If you need anything, just say a word."

"'Right, Ben."

Closing the door, he shrugs off his jacket and hoodie and sits down behind the sound board. Looking at all the buttons makes him think that this job is unbelievably hard. Not everyone sees that. He lets his head fall back, stretching himself out, and rubs his eyes. He's sure that if he writes something today, it's going to be nu-metal and the lyrics just one long _beep_. Fucking censorship. Fucking media. Fucking Louis!

 _Calm down_ , he reprimands himself quietly. _I won't get anywhere with this._ Standing up, he walks around the room twice and then sits behind the piano. Clever thing, this is. It's a pity he's never learnt to play properly. It's not like he can't at all, but he prefers the guitar. Less strings. Easier to hold. And you can bring it any place. It'd be hard to bring along a piano on your back. He shakes his head, what a thought! Unbelievable, this. Two hours with Harry and he's almost as sarcastic as he is. His phone vibrates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, beauties!  
> Thanks for reading and leaving kudos and commenting, you are all lovely people and I love you very much. Thanks to my dear friend LarryHaylik for translating this story, and if you want to chat me up (about Louis ass) or ask me a question, I hve a tumblr: slashandspol.tumblr.com, and I have an ask: ask.fm/KayleighMcCamyo.   
> I hope I'll see you tomorrow with a new chapter^^  
> See ya later, Kayleigh.


	9. Some call it seduction.

 

Nick stays true to his word, steering clear of Larry so perfectly no one even notices. Liam's brow is creased though and from time to time he looks at silent Harry, but he can't figure anything out. Something's wrong, but he can't for the love of God find out _what it is_. To be honest, he doesn't know much about that Larry-is-bullshit thing, he hasn't logged into Twitter these past few days.

For a lot of reasons.

Contrary to Louis' relationship, fans support him and Danielle as a couple, last week he found a beautiful photo of himself and Dani, kissing, his arms wrapped around her waist, and below the pic someone's written: "Get married already." It made his throat tighten, that they have such amazing fans...! But haters gonna hate and everyone else is almost banned from Twitter. Niall especially. Louis is just angry because no one believes he's with Eleanor, maybe not even his mum. And Harry? Liam sighs and looks at the youngest of them all. Harry's out of it, has been since he left Louis. Not that he's depressed, no, but... he keeps his distance from the rest of them in his free time. Liam, Niall, Zayn and Louis stayed in the center of the city, close to each other, because they are the best of friends (Niall is just across the street from Liam), but Harry has recently annouced that he moved up to West End. No reason given. Just get down with it. Niall, Liam and Zayn had no idea what happened and very unexcitedly asked Harry how were they to get to him across half of the city when not one of them owns a driving license and because of that little fact that, you know, they are the world's biggest boyband, they can't just get on a tube and visit him whenever they want to. Harry just shrugged and said that he had both a driving license and a car.

This kind of behaviour is simply not typical of Harry. On the other hand, everything that used to be typical of Harry has disappeared. Well, not all at once. It happened slowly, you wouldn't even notice. Only when the moving-out came did they realize that something strange was happening. But now, when a break from management-dictated stuff has arrived, it wasn't time to discuss it. And the date of the new album's release is nearer and nearer, there's just not time. No one has got their time for Harry.

An eighteen-years-old boy lost by himself in this great, big world. Liam's strong enough to get through this all by himself;  Zayn manages to keep himself sane, he simply doesn't give a single flying  fuck about what the management says; Niall has his carefree attitude, and Liam; and Louis... is just Louis. Harry, Eleanor or jokes... or... whatever...

Liam's thoughts stumble - Louis's changed a lot. In the past few weeks. He's colder, maybe. Keeps his distance. The time of newfound glory is gone, everything seems to be annoying now. They're too famous. It's getting into Louis the most out of them all. He would never expect arrongance of him, or misbehaviour, but it has happened few times that he lost his temper.

And he didn't spare Harry a look today.

Something's wrong.

Everything is so unfair. Without a thought, he looks at Eleanor who's sitting just over there in the corner, talking to some girl, possibly another radio DJ. Then he returns his eyes to Louis. He's smiling, yeah, but he can see it in his face that his thoughts revolve about 'giving a fuck'. That arrogant mask again, some kind of passively condescending. Like 'I'm here because I have to and I will let you know by hiding it poorly', or something.

Why not try talking to Louis, you say? Like he didn't try. But the only reaction he got was a middle finger and "If you don't know what you're talking about, keep silent, Liam. Mother hasn't taught you that?" He feels sorry, but... he can't do a thing. Try to reason with an idiot. And Louis's becoming a true idiot.

He has his better moments, he does. And the number of the better ones is higher than that of bad ones, but they just shine brighter. That's what today's journalism works with. Louis's decided that everyone is plain stupid and he won't lower himself to their level. His upturned nose hasn't influenced the band yet because he's always super nice to the fans. Like for real, every time. He just... thinks too much of himself.

Long gone are the times when he doubted himself, thought he's not sexy enough or a good enough singer to be a part of One direction.

And Harry... he sighs. Too loudly. Nick notices.

"Liam, what's with the moaning?"

"Some call it seduction, Nick," Harry corrects him brusquely and Liam simply _has_ to laugh.

This teasing... he glances quickly into Curly's direction. It's the first time in weeks he sees Harry this loose. Sarcasm, yes, but it seems that it comes from his humour side today, more than his annoying part.

"Damn it, another member of One direction who craves me, someone help me!"

"I'll save you, Nick...," Zayn assures him with a face full of want and such a gay accent that even Louis bursts out laughing.

It takes Harry more than a moment to get himself up from the floor, he will so call this guy. The chances are high that maybe even this evening.

In spite of his bad mood and everything that's happening he leaves the radio with a relatively good feeling. After singing More Than This and One Thing, there's not time for more questions, so they say their - warm - goodbyes to Nick and leave the studio. Well, it's more of a run in the middle of a group of guys from security . In front of the radio building, quite a crowd of fans has gathered, and the distance between the private carpark and the exit is nearly fifty meters.

Harry catches Louis' hand on instinct and it's the same instinct that makes Louis squeeze his hand back.  He moves as close and as quickly to Harry as he possibly can, ready to protect the younger boy with his own body. Harry feels safe all of the sudden. A second, two, three, four, five. The grip loosens up, the feeling of safety vanishes and disappointment fills him again. Just the same as back then.

His fingers run along his hoodie, over the place he knows his most important tattoo is hidden. He doesn't hug Louis goodbye, let alone spares him another look. Saying goodbyes as fast as possible, he gets behind the steering wheel and leaves the carpark.

His hands shake. The majority of his attention goes to the palm that held Louis's just a minute ago. The gaze, the instinctive movement, the obviousness which Louis started to protect his friend with, as he always did... It's all over now. Surely it was just a reflex. The leftovers of friendship. He released him almost immediately. He doesn't care about him, not like he used to before, when it was Harry's birthday, when they were on the tour. It meant nothing. It was nothing. Not one of their jokes was their joke anymore. Secrets, strange gestures, mysterious sentences said at irrational time, things only they knew the meaning of, their wanna-be inconspicuous touches, so they could keep this so called relationship of theirs on, this game was just... a game. Nothing more. It was all just a way to attract girls' attention to Louis, just a boredom-killer, so he could make some profit out of Harry's friendship.

He's not angry with Louis.

He's happy that Louis was willing to spend time with him. That he was there with him and for him. Because even if this biggest bullshit meant nothing to Louis, the two years they had together were still full of the best moments of his life. He had so much fun. Maybe it was nothing to Louis, but he still gave him - even if it wasn't real - exactly what the curly boy craved. Friendship, fun, freedom, experimenting with new things, crazy things he wouldn't have experienced without Louis.

He isn't sorry. He blames Louis for nothing. He just has to move on now. It'll hurt. And it won't disappear in a day's time. But it will. One day, it will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys!  
> Kayleigh is partying hard and told me to publish the new part. I hope you'll enjoy this one! Kayleigh sends love and kisses and says next chapter is gonna be next week. (If you wanna her tumblr, its slashandspol.)


	10. What goes around, comes around.

_Thank you, Ed. For everything._

 

Thank you for everything. He sits still for a sec, looking at his phone screen. Thank you. For everything. He tilts his head to side. He loves people who inspire him. And based on this message, Harry is relatively okay. He sets his phone aside and his hands move to the piano keyboard. He plays for a while, nothing in his head, nothing really. He smiles a bit, when he realizes it’s Moments what he is playing. He wants to write something special for the boys. Something deep and… patronizing, to reprove Louis and Zayn to better behavior.

 

Fans have no idea, but Zayn is a hell of a bad boy, recently. The talks-back to management, and all the sexual orgies, drugs experimenting, missing for days without calling anyone or telling where he is and with whom, ignoring the management, breaking their rules, not appearing on rehearsals, skipping meetings, not talking to anyone, really… it's getting out of hands. Only Niall and Liam can talk some reason into him. And about that Perrie chick, that's a thing Zayn will never approve, and never really go with. Well, the problem is, the lady has no idea she is a punishment for Zayns behavior, and Zee is actually seeing her just because there would be sanctions otherwise. Zayn doesn’t seem to care about her whatsoever, honestly.

 

 _This will be easy_ , Ed thinks with a great deal of bitter sarcasm.

 

Ed sighs deeply. He wants to help them, but… it’s their fight. They boys have each other, well, they had. Till that Louis‘ bullshit thing. Maybe… maybe there is something he can do. He can message Zayn up…? He deleted his twitter (something management wasn’t happy about), therefore he probably doesn’t know anything. Ed is like Alice in Wonderland about this situation – Louis… well, he can be pretty sassy, rude even, and sometimes a real pain in the ass, but this isn't a thing he would do, however mad, annoyed and/or pissed off. Something must have happened – or someone – um. Yes, Ed tries NOT to blame Eleanor, that girlfriend of Louis‘, but he totally DOES blame her. Everything was fine till Harry moved away – but hadn’t move on.

 

Something’s up, noone knows what, participants included. That's it, he takes his phone again, listing for Zayn’s number.

_Hey, bro, seen twitter lately?_

_Nah, mate, u know ive deleted._

 

He finds the tweet, screenshots it and sends it to Zayn without any other explanation.

 

 _Fucking bastard,_ is Zayn’s answer immediately.In a minute he sends another one with few typos, probably mad beyond reasoning. _That's why was haz off i will find him and ill kill him!_

 

Okay, Ed, that wasn’t the best idea, was it… He forgets sometimes that yeah, Zayn is a chilled lad, till it's his friends who he needs to protect, especially Niall and Harry. Maybe he should message Liam. Safer option. Maybe he could stop the damage, at least partially. He sends the same screenshot to Liam, again without any explanation. Liam answers within seconds.

 

_Is that a joke_

 

I wish, Liam, Ed thinks to himself.

 

_No, zayns about to kill him please go to louis and hide all sharp objects_

 

Liam’s answer is written in a hurry, pursuant to the amount of typos in it.

_Knowing him he's got is own weapon_

 

That sounds like Zayn, Ed realizes. Okay, maybe he should try to reassure him.

 

_I don't know what happened zee maybe it's some kind of misunderstanding_

 

Zayn’s answer appears soon, but that not what Ed wanted to read and it deffinitely doesn't make him calmer.

 

_Ill trash the explanation out of him_

 

For a chilled and cool person Zayn trully is, he can be bloody fiery, when it comes to it. It’s not something that should be caused drama about, especially not for public eye. Oh fuck, to tell Zayn wasn’t a good idea in any case. He thought Zayn will be the most reasonable person out of them, knowing Niall is too scared of arguments and Liam being a puppy he is (and too straight for setting Louis and Harry together again). (Not that he’s planning on telling that to someone.) So yeah, Zayn was the only option after all. But this is not what Ed has been expecting. And it’s better to tell him like that, than Zayn finding out from tumblr or fans. That could be worse.

 

Next message Ed recieves is from Niall, who asks about Harry.

 

 _He's depressed and recitent,_ Ed types and sends.

 

Well, at least among the other members comunication works, Ed thinks… except for that little detail of Zayn heading to kill their leader. That could be a bit of a problem, fourpiece 1D. All the paperwork and suit for a funeral and all that crap. It’s not a secret that Louis would be the less missed member of 1D, even to Ed, but to Harry this loss would be probably irreplaceable. Drama, drama, drama.  Ed hopes Zayn punches him in the face at least, for Louis to realize what did he say about his supposed to be best friend.

 

His eyes trails off to his arm, his newest tatto, kanji symbol for love. It was for the first time Harry had a tattoo gun in his hands. He's used to this kind of pain now, but a tattoo from Harry was like a sharpie in a child‘s hands. He didn´t  feel a sting. Harry was incredibly sensitive with the gun, but he is with everything. True gentleman.

 

Ed really, really, really hopes, Zayn will punch the sassy idiot in his face. He deserves that, and not only for the tweet. His behavior is beyond rude lately. The fame is getting to him, that is possible. And when Harry, humble and polite Harry, moved away, Louis‘ behavior is even worse. Maybe it’s not the lady, in the end. Maybe Louis is just a dick and needs that punch in the face.

 

What goes around, comes around.


	11. Bittersweet.

 

Maybe he shouldn’t have left Harry like he did. He should have stayed – Ed has no clue about Harry’s thoughts right now. He didn’t even want to call his mum like he always does when something happens. It’s not like she could really help him with this situation, but one’s always feeling better after hearing his mum. Ed curses under his breath, he shouldn’t have get into this. But he had to – no one knew about the tweet or the situation after.

 

His phone vibrates.

 

_He overreacted and said he talked to Harry and he seemed fine._

 

Ed’s looking at the phone screen in mild shock. Is that so, Liam?!

 

 _So he means that_ , Ed replies quickly, not meaning it as a question.

 

_He’s icing his face. Doesn't talk much. Black eye, teared lip._

 

Zayn‘s message is that kind of message Ed has hoped for. Well, this at least went right. Zayn was a good choice after all, haha. Before Ed can reply, he gets a message from Niall.

 

_I wanted to finish my dinner and Liam was dear to me, waiting as the puppy he is…_

 

Ed’s laughter is relaxed and loud in the empty studio and when he stops, he has to remind himself he’s laughing at Louis' pain. He can’t help it, but he laughs a little bit more. He deserves it, after all, for making Harry so miserable. And he probably doesn't even care how the poor boy feels, it would seem. Louis definitely deserved that. Especially from Zayn. Aw. What a sweetheart. And Ed loves the little Leprichaun. He knew Louis deserves it, but if even Niall thinks Louis deserved the punch(or punches?), something is really, really wrong. He‘s such a calm person.

 

 _I hope you enjoyed the taste_ , Ed types and presses send to Niall.

 

 _Bittersweet, but needed_ , Niall replies.

 

 

Ed nods to himself. True that. He doesn’t really wish anything bad to happen to Louis, except he kinda does. Harry is his best friend and Louis, yes, of course, he should defend himself and set the boundaries for every rumor or anything that people are saying and he finds offensive, but not to this extreme of offending someone in return. Yet alone his best friend – the sweetheart Harry is.

 

Speaking of which… how’s Harry doing…? He should text him too. He heard The Breakfast Show, hosted by Nick Grimshaw. He seems like a good guy, too flamboyant for Ed to be friends with, but seems to be the type Harry would go for. Ed likes Grimmy’s sense of humor, partialy. Mostly doesn't, because he seems to be too sassy, rude even. Basically the same type Louis is, just gay. Maybe that's why he should be friends with Harry, to distract him, spend some time off this bullshit.

 

There is low beep of another message from Zayn.

 

_I made him delete the tweet._

 

It's not like it really helps, Ed thinks to himself. Everyone has seen it, screenshoted it, retweeted or saved it. And most importantly, Harry has seen it. Deleting it is not going to make it better. Actually, maybe it'll make it even worse. Louis can't just tell fans they are not fans, or be as rude as he was. Not only to Harry, but to people who made him famous, who put him on stage. Louis deserves few more blows, maybe not physical, but someone should talk some sense into him. This behavior could cause him a lot of troubles, with management, followers and fans. There are lots of people who are in their fandom just for the Larry thing, and being rude to them isn't a smart move. Speaking of management, Louis will probably hear from them a word or two as well. But at least the tweet isn't to be found now. Better than fork in the eye, isn't it.

 

Putting the phone aside, he wants to concentrate on his music again, but he can't. Ed closes his eyes, hand ruffing through his hair before he puts them on the keyboard. He starts to play a melody that keeps appearing in his mind and he's not sure whether it's a melody he knows from somewhere, or it reminds him of something, or it's a new melody in making. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!   
> If you wanna ask me anything or talk about Michael Clifford, my tumblr is slashandspol.   
> Love you,   
> Kayleigh.


	12. Smile more, cry less.

 

Ed is so into the composing of his new melody and trying to find the right lyrics he forgets there is such a thing as time.

 

„Bloody hell, Ed!“ Ben exclaims, when he enters the studio. „I thought you were long time gone, mate.“

 

„Why? What time is it?“

 

„After midnight. What are you doing here? Go home, get some sleep,“ the manager tells him. „You’ve got a meeting in the morning, don't you forget.“

 

„Yeah, yeah, on my way,“ Ed murmurs, eyeing notesheets sternly for a sec but deciding Ben’s right.

 

He didn’t plan on staying so long. Also, he should call Harry. He didn´t  call himself and Ed figured he hadn't  texted Grimmy to meet him, like Ed suggested. He scrolls his contact list and finds Harry’s number.

 

„Hey, man, how's… how are you doing?“ Wow, Ed. Very tactful. Real smooth, mate, just wow.

 

„I, uh… well, actually, I’m… you know. I’m fine…,“ Ed hears some murmuring and a duvet rustling.

 

"Why haven't you called him? Grimshaw?“

 

"I… I don't… know… don't wanna bother him, or… so.“

 

Ed pauses, choosing the right words. „What are… you doing?“

 

Harry contemplates, to say or not to say…? „Just… reading.“

 

„What are you reading?“

 

Harry sighs deeply, looks away and shuffles his phone against his ear, standing up and stretching, long legs numb from sitting in the same position for too long. „Um…“

 

„Fanfictions?“ Ed asks, although it's not a question, really.

 

"Uh-um…“ Harry is ashamed a bit, yeah. He knows exactly what Ed’s going to say to him and he is right. But. „I needed… you know, needed to see if they are still…, if they still… if they. Um…“

 

„You mean if the fans still ship you? You and Louis, that is,“ Ed understands, Harry needs reassurance. On the other hand, he’ll be disappointed every time he realizes it's just a fiction. And coming back to reality might hurt him even more.

 

 „It's just… a feeling, you know. It's like… I’m not alone? In this. You know, like. I’m… I’m not the only one who had a feeling, that maybe, you know. It's not just. It‘s not just a bromance, or like. Somenthing like that. You know. There are even theories. On Tumblr, you know? Like, it's a management‘s move, because they don't want me and Louis to be in a relationship, like, this wouldn't be good for our fanbase, and stuff. You know, there are even crazier theories, like. Really crazy, haha. You know, silly Larry fans. Or, like, shippers. That's… that's what they call themselves nowadays. They are saying some really nice things. And. Writing… you know, some are… some of them… they… you know, they are good. Sending support, and saying they love me anyway.“

 

„Everyone loves you, bro. Zayn the most I’d say,“ Ed giggles childishly.

 

„I’ve heard,“ Harry confirms, not amused. „I can't say I’m happy about that, though. Zayn had no right or reason to do anything to him, you know…“

 

„Well, you and I, we think differently of this one,“ Ed says eventually, but he understands Harry’s point of view.

 

"By the way, Live While We're Young is incredibly successful, did you notice?"

 

"This is the last thing I care about, trust me, Ed…," Harry says lowly. "Do you… are you free? Tomorrow? I’d… I’d like to have another tattoo? I think. So like… if you… you know. I don’t…“

 

To be honest, Ed’s not surprised. He’s been expecting it. „I know. What do you wanna get?“

 

"I just… you know, I wanted…. Umm, it's… actually just… something. You know. Um…“

 

"Harry," Ed interrupts his rambling. "You can tell me, yeah? We are friends?"

 

"Yeah. Yeah, like… yeah. I’d like to have… Masks. Like, theatre masks? Like, ancient greek theatre masks, they used… really simple..." Harry is actually blushing. He has no idea why.

 

"Anything else?" Ed asks and Harry thinks he's like a waiter or something.

 

"Probably… eventually, if I… think of… some… motto…"

 

"Like, a sentence, or a word?"

 

…Is pepsi okay?

 

"Something… more… general. Like, not that personal I think."

 

Big frites and no sauce. The sarcasm is going to kill him one day, Harry thinks. Won’t be so bad, innit _. I like trains._

_Harry, oh dear god_! He swears there are days he hates his brain. And then there are days he feels like a butterfly.

 

…

 

Maybe he should cut back on those tattoos. They are probably including some illegal substances in the ink, which are making one cynical. Nah, Harry shakes his head. He takes the tattoo as a form of diary. Something important in his life happens, something that changes the circumstances or his opinion, or something bad happens, he gets a tattoo of that for himself. He slowly finds the Hi tattoo on his upper arm, and his thoughts follows the simple word into memory of how it was done. Louis was there with him, of course, it was his handwriting, holding his hand, talking to him, joking around. His Louis. This was his Louis, cracking stupid jokes when Harry was nearly crying, just to reassure him and cherish him. He remembers it so clearly. He can't believe what has happened in less than a year, how this is not his Louis.  Actually, this is the first time it came to Harry’s mind, like… this is not Louis‘ behavior, one way or another, this isn't Louis‘ style, that's not how he is. He wouldn't write this, ever, he's not like this. Seasons change, but people don't! … Okay, Harry this is no time for a Fall Out Boy song, but… Really, Hary thinks. Like… Like it's not even from his head, like someone made him write it, like someone wrote the tweet instead of him. Louis isn't like this. Well, he is a lot of things, but he isn't disloyal. There must be something different behind the scenes. Bigger, more important or just… something!

 

…Right?

 

„Harry?“ Ed asks, when there is a pause on the other side.

 

„Yeah?“

 

„I said, of course I have time,“ Ed smiles a bit, but it's a rather sad smile, understanding to where Harry’s thoughts are running – actually, to _whom_ , to be specific.

 

„Yeah, I… thank you, I just.“

 

„Yeah. I know,“ Ed assures him quickly. „Think the tattoo thing through and I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah?“

 

„Okay,“ Harry nods. „Yeah, I’ll… see you tomorrow.“

 

„Bye.“

 

Harry sets his phone aside, making himself a sandwich, taking it back to the bedroom. He sits back to his laptop and continues in reading the fanfiction. He knows it's pathetic, thank you very much, but…

 

"Cry less - there's no reason to; smile more - for me, Harry," the fanfiction-Louis tells to fanfiction-Harry, wiping his tears off.

 

Harry has to wipe off his own tears by himself. Again with the irony thing. This sentence is how the story ends and Harry is sure this was one of the best fanfics he’s ever read. Emotions hiding, pretending not to care, jealousy, emotional breakdowns, selfharm but happy ending with love, rainbows and unicorns. Harry stares at the last quote for a while.

 

Cry less, smile more. Smile More, Cry Less.

 

(S M C L)

 

That's it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and leaving kudos! You guys are the best. Have the most amazing summer vacation and I'll see you aroun soon.   
> Kayleigh


	13. I like trains.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Knocking on (heaven’s) door. (Hahaha, Styles, what were we sying about the humor thing?) (Twenty seven times, Your Honor, I know.)

He fell asleep late that night, or rather morning, he remembers the time around 4am on his laptop. The fanfiction he was reading was great, but Harry was so tired he doesn't remember the point where his head fell to the pillow, asleep without shutting the laptop off. He jerks awake – the sudden feeling like he was drawning surrounds him as fast as it leaves. Weird, probably a dream, lingering between consciousness and sleeping. Everything hurts, he must have fallen asleep lying like an octopus. Time to adjust his sleeping patterns, this isn't good for his mental health. _Morning breath isn't any good to his mood right now. Walk to the bathroom and at least try to look decent, Styles_. Tsk. _Moron_. He strips himself off, all the clothes in one ball ends up in the dirty laundry. Huh. Doing loundry…? Nah. He shouldn’t have moved away from his mum. Well, he had a big reason to do so. Well, not really that big – about 5‘8‘‘, brunette with fringe, with stripped tshirts and vans. That was a big arse reason.

 

 _Literally_.

 

Well. There are things not even a train can cross.

 

_I like trains._

 

Facepalming himself multiple times he gets into the shower. He should spend so much time on Youtube. And Tumblr. And… all that, anyway, he should definitely find himself some nobler entertainment, maybe more adult one, or more popstar-ish one. About 5‘8‘‘, brunette fringe, stripped t-shirt and Vans.

 

_Wow, Styles. Just fucking wow._

 

He shakes his head furiously, cursing at himself before he lets go off the thought, gettimg back to his plans for today. Choreographer, writing session, Ed. Yeah, today’s gonna be a good day.

 

A shower and some nice clothes makes a person out o him again. Or, at least something what could remind you a person. Is this how they came up with inflatable dolls? _Wow, Styles. I am impressed, really_. He facepalms himself again. Where is his sense of humor…? When he enters kitchen, making himself some tea, he realizes how hungry he actually is. Toast? Full english? …Gummy bears. The pack is already opened, so it's not his fault – the pack has seen it coming. Fuck diet. The smell of japanese Sencha wakes him up completely. He decides not to read the papers; who would event want to, in a day like this.  He brings his laptop in instead, finishing the fanfic, he’s started last night. He skips the sex scene, he’s not really into that. But Zayn and Niall end up together. Well, that’s on a positive note.

 

Knocking on (heaven’s) door. _(Hahaha, Styles, what were we sying about the humor thing?) (Twenty seven times, Your Honor, I know.)_

 

Maybe Ed has changed his mind and wanted to see Harry’s arse before the evening...? Harry’s actually smiling, when he’s getting up his feet, going to answer the door – and is immediately pulled into a tight hug.

 

“Ugh-!”

 

“Harry, oh my god! I am so sorry i wasn’t here for you last night! I just, we were with Zayn, he was beyond reasoning, and he could hurt someone or himself. Im so sorry, but he’d have certainly killed Louis, If it weren’t for me and Liam there...!” Niall speaks unusually quickly, a light Australian accent is out of a habit peeking into his irish one, so Harry isn’t able to catch more than “sorry”, “Zayn”, “Louis” and “Kill”, but he manages to draw up a rough sense to his babbling.

 

“That’s... that’s fine, Ni,” Harry waves his hand as if nothing happened. “I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

 

“That’s not even a possibility. We are a family – that’s what we’ve promised to each other. And this is not... you know. Louis can be one of a prick, I know that well, thank you very much. But. This is... over certain limits.”

 

“He’s done what he had to do,” Harry hears himself say. “I understand that. He’s straight, he’s got a girlfriend now and alot of people rubs the Larry thing in all the time. It must be annoying, having everyone to assume his girl is a beard and he’s got going on some kind of homosexual affair. Above that, with me.”

 

“Harry,” Niall sighs and hugs Harry one more time. “I... I am really sorry. I wish... I could... you know. Do something. But I am really sorry.”

 

“What are you sorry for, Ni? It's... I had it coming. It was fun, we were best friends, we were having the time of our lives,” Harry tries to smile and fails expectably. “He’s got a girlfriend now, he wants to settle down for a bit. Everyone knows a relationship is the end of crazy days with your pals. It is how it is.”

 

“No, Harry. You are best friends. It is what it is – Tommo’s just been an arrogant prick, I see,” Niall frowns.

 

“Niall,” Harry starts, but actually has nothing to say.

 

“I just. Don’t say it’s the end of a friendship. Look at Zayn, he’s got Perrie, and-“

 

“Don’t let me start on Perrie, love,” Harry barks a laugh. “Everyone knows she’s just a cover up for zayn’s one night stands.”

 

Niall frowns a bit more. He doesn’t like to hear of this. He feels like Zayn and Perrie are killing love with their behaviour. But it’s not like there’s anything he can do about it, is it. Well, everyone has their own ways. And what of Louis- ...well, he’s got no words for that guy, recently.

 

“I know where you are coming from. But Louis is different, and also he has to deal with those stupid gay rumours since day one. And I’m pretty sure I’d be pissed off too, considering he loves her and none of that bullshit the tabloids say is true, and the fans constantly sending hate to her, and,” he suddenly stops, running out of breath. He closes his eyes, breathes in and continues slowly. “Let it go, Ni. It’s gone, anyway.”

 

“What’s gone,” Niall asks with small voice.

 

Harry eyes away from him.

 

“The bromance?”

 

He turns his head away, but that doesn't make Niall’s voice go away.

 

“Your best friend?”

 

Harry turns away, showing Niall his back, walking to the kitchen.

 

“Your soulmate?”

 

Niall walks right behind him, eventually stops at the dining table.

 

"Trust?"

 

Harry rests palms next to the sink, trying to make the tears forming in his eyes disappear.

 

"One," Niall’s voice breaks a bit.  "One Direction?"

 

“I don’t know, Niall, I DON'T KNOW!” Harry lets out a yell, turning away to look in his friend’s eyes. “I have no idea what's going on, I have no idea what's going to happen now, Niall? I just don't know, okay?! The only thing I know is that my best friend told me I am just a fucking bullshit and this friendship obviously means nothing to him, as well as I do!”

 

Niall blinks blankly few times, not really sure how to reply. Harry sits down to the dining table, burying his head in his hands. Niall takes in a deep breath and puts a hand around Harry’s shoulders from behind.

 

“Nothing changes,” Harry states blankly, tears  in his voice obvious. “Nothing changes. It’s just... going to be a bit awkward, but I’ll manage. I just need to be less... personal. I think. We are still...”

 

His voice trails of as he’s trying to overpower sobs. Niall needs comfort, Harry can’t be selfish and cry and let Niall down.

 

“We are still family, Ni. I promise we are.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slashandspol.tumblr.com is where i live and you are free to murder me here. Please and thank you.


	14. Like the Joker from Dark Knight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Would you believe that, Your Honor? I was just being nature friendly, picking some trash from the ground…

Niall just wanted to make sure Harry’s alright. He’s not really happy another tattoo, tho. It's kinda like selfharming, or something like that. And Haz… he’s so young. The star was cool, and the Hi tattoo was really cute and the lyrics really smart, but… then it just was too much. The closer Louis and Eleanor were the more tattoos Harry was getting. And meaning of those was getting deeper.

 

Niall rather believes it's not about just a bromance between the two of them. Because… it's not. Albait they never said so by themselves, nor they ever doubted their heterosexuality, noone doubted either the fact, there were certain things called out as a taboo. They never talked about Liam and the bullying in his school. They weren’t talking about Zayn’s fear of the dark and open water. They weren’t talking about Niall’s family situation. Ever. And they never ever at any circumstances talked about the relationship between Harry and Louis. It was happening, not talked about. They all have respected this.

 

Till now. Well, there never really were any signs of Louis taking Eleanor as his girlfriend on the serious note, actually none fo the boys were, untill few weeks back. Harry was suddenly moving away, Eleanor basically movign in with Louis, while he distanced himself of the boys. Niall doesn't really understand. You see, there wasn’t any problem. Ever. Harry and Lousi were happy, like half a year into Louis‘ relationship with Eleanor. And now… now this. Niall really doesn't understand, but he never asked Harry nor Louis. But Louis never took her for any concert, really, or any of those promo things, and like, all that stuff, only when papz were included. And to be honest, Niall can't really recall when they started dating, because Louis never talked about her. Ever.

 

It crossed Niall’s mind Louis is keeping her around to convince public ( _and himself, maybe?_ ), he's straight, when the Larry thing was bigger than all of them. And obviously, just to scroll down his Tumblr (or even twitter), he’s not the only one who at least once thought so.

 

But curiosity killed a cat, at least they say so, and Niall isn't going to confront Louis about it. At least not right now. He gets out of the apartment with Harry, they drive to the studio in silence, mostly. Zayn is standing outside, enjoying his first cig today, and pulls Harry into relaxed, overprotective hug. He doesn't say a word and Harry is kind of glad. Zayn and he have interesting relationship. They’re different, their personalities aren't really additional, but they’ve learned to be friends. They trust each other, and get each other on absolutely different elvel than the rest of the boys. Their hug lasts about three minutes, and none of them seems to feel awkward. Niall calms down a bit, seeing at least those two are alright.

 

„Love you,“ Zayn murmurs, when his lips just gently brush over Harry’s skin below his right ear. Intimate gesture, unusual but weirdly casual, just like all of their friendship.

 

They don't say a word about yesterday, tweets, Louis, Eleanor. Harry waits for Zayn to finish his first morning one, entering the studio together. Liam is speaking to one of the soundcheck guys, Louis is sitting on the sofa, scrolling through his phone. He tilts his head up, sees people coming in, smiles abit and says hi, as if nothing happened. Harry feels strangely blank after this. The black eye looks good on him, tho. Zayn is stronger than he appears, and when he’s angry, it’s actually him, who is the most scary. Louis now looks like a badass. Zayn passes him without answer, and doesn't spare him a look. Liam smiles politely and rushes in to hug Harry as well, when awkwardly stands between Zayn and Louis, as if Zayn was about to kick the eldest arse. Niall tries to talk to everyone as always, pretending everything is alright, but noone is in a mood to be joking. Not even Tommo.

 

Choreographers job isn't easy at all, harry can tell. He's trying to work them up, trying to joke with them to put them on ease, but there’s no chance for that today. They’re all frustrated and this room is the last place they all want to be, yet those people are torturing them for lie three hours, before they are free to go. Zayn’s annoyed, Louis is arrogant towards everyone and doesn't really listen to any of their coaches, Liam seems scared a bit and unsure and Niall is scared shitless, because what the fuck is going on?! Niall demands to know, but resists to ask. Don't tickle the lion while it sleeps.  Liam and Zayn leave together, obviously going to the same house, Niall has some plans with his friends, but looks up to Harry, ready to ditch them for Curly’s sake, but Harry doesn't really look at anyone and storms off, not even waiting for another instructions their coaches yell at them all.

 

In front of the studio there are drivers waiting for Niall, Zayn and Liam, and… Eleanor, waiting by Louis‘ car.

 

Uh-oh.

 

Calm down, Harry. Everything is fine _. I won’t go to her and I won’t stick the STOP sign up her ass. But I could pick her up from the ground and throw her to the trashcan over there. I am being nature friendly, give me a Nobel peace prize, or what_. He actually pictures it, Eleanor with her make-up, all dressed up and fashionable for her boyfie, thrown out into a trash can. She’d really fit it, hum. Pizza crusts, some old smelly spaghetti, and joghurts that went bad like months ago, and some chinese take out, and probably some homeless‘ guys vomit. Yeah.

 

_Would you believe that, Your Honor? I was just being nature friendly, picking some trash from the ground…_

 

Undetectable alibi. Alibi. 30 seconds to mars. Beautiful song. He really feels like some rock concert, he should definitely stop by Hard Rock Café, maybe there’s someone interesting this weekend. He actually stops walking for a second – his thoughts train is almost psychopathological. Maybe he should go and see some specialist.

 

_Like the Joker from Dark Knight._

 

 

Whatever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't funny.


	15. Vegetarian vampire and rude Hannibal.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That little old Chinese man behind the bar is a chill guy. He’s got no idea who is he selling food to, he’s smiling all the time, he lives for his restaurant and couldn’t give a dog’s ass that he’s serving to his guests about some stupid pop icon.

Harry pretends he doesn't see her. Or Louis, for that matter. He pretends he doesn't see how they hugged, he pretends he doesn't see how he smiles at her and how he touches her cheek, probably about to kiss her. No, Harry, you don't need to see that. He slams the car’s door and and drives away without looking at them whatsoever. On the road back to West End he pulls over at Mr. Wu’s, because of all the Eleanor shit and black eyes he’s all hungry and in need for a chinese take out. _That little old Chinese man behind the bar is a chill guy. He’s got no idea who is he selling food to, he’s smiling all the time, he lives for his restaurant and couldn’t give a dog’s ass that he’s serving to his guests about some stupid pop icon_.

 

„Take in or take out?“ smiling Chinese guy asks Harry with lovely accent.

 

„Take o-… or, no, I‘ll eat here, thank you,“ harry smiles. It's impossible not to smile back at him. He lives simple life. Harry is kind of jealous.

 

He’s suspicious now, could Mr. Wu recognize him – or remember him…?

 

Harry is actually pretty regular here, usually says he's gonna take the food home, but ends up sitting right here by the bar. Noone here speaks to him, it's usually Asians here or tourists. It's small bistro and Harry likes it here. It's familiar and simple. It's like a piece of his quiet world. With chop sticks. He chuckles at his thoughts, tasting a mouthful or two, before the food kind of loses it's taste; Harry realizes that Louis and Eleanor are probably together. Is Louis taking her to all those places Harry thought are special for them, when they were best friends? Is he making her laugh just like him? Is he the charming, intelligent and the gentleman, like he used to be with Harry? Does he tell her he loves her and he’s happy they met, just like he used to say to Harry? Of course he is. There’s so many things he can do with her. Not only in the bro pal way. He can kiss her, proudly show her to the public eye, he can cuddle her and have sex with her. That's it, mostly. When he's with her, he doesn't need to think of the band, or what would people say, or management, of his family, or his friends… he doesn't have to think if it's right or not.

 

The food could be excellent – and it surely is – but Harry‘ lost his sense of taste. Mr. Wu is standing close enough to harry, minding his own business, but sometimes he eyes Harry.

 

„Young love, eh?“ Mr. Wu says suddenly, cleaning some glasses, eyes on his work.

 

Harry snaps his head, surprised, but not defensive. Harry smirks to himself, he must look pathetic, if even Mr Wu decided to speak up. „There’s not much else to be worried about, at young age, is it.“

 

He tries to joke, but fails horribly and his words sound plain cynical.

 

 

„Love is the most important part of all people, young man. And also the saddest one, if it doesn't turn out well,“ Mr. Wu says, his accent still adorable.

 

Harry nods a bit.

 

„My granddaughters say: love is passion. Well, I don't really think so. I think… I really think love is… trust. But, what can I know,“ Mr. Wu laughs innocently and adorably. „I am just an old man. One way or another, I also think, if they are worth it, you shouldn’t give up on them.“

 

Harry looks up in his eyes. Does Mr Wu knows who he is…? Or is it just coincidence? „And when I know hopelessness that I’ve lost him?“

 

Mr. Wu shrugs his shoulders a bit, smiles politely and says: „Even hopelessness has got the word „hope“ in it, doesn't it?“

 

Mr. Wu bows to him a bit, then turns around and disappears in the back room. Harry is looking at the door for next few minutes. Mr. Wu might be the wisest person Harry has ever met. Could it be truth? Maybe… yeah, maybe him and Louis still got a chance. He wants to believe that. He really wants, but… Louis is happy now. And everyone should accept that, including Harry.

 

He is worth it, Harry thinks to himself as he leaves tip beside his plate and tries to shake the feeling of negativity. Wise words from a wise man, but Harry can say he’s lost long time ago. Probably even before the- …

 

Nah. Louis has Eleanor now. And Harry… well, he’ll manage, eventually. Time to move on. Yes, they were best friends, they had time of their lives, and it was awesome. But Louis made a call and Harry can't just… he… hell, he's got no idea what's about to happen now. Fans still believe, One Direction are strong as ever, that's what he’s supposed to say. He knows. Never say the truth out loud. This is some serious shady business.

 

There’s no place for Harry between Louis and Eleanor. Yeah.

 

He drives home in silence, not really in mood for touchy lyrics or clingy melody. Only then he realizes he didn´t  even say bye to the boys, nor he actually spoke to them. Maybe he should thank them for the support and understanding? Should he pretend nothing happened and everything is alright, just like Louis does, obviously? He grips his fingers into a fists and stirs a bit. He feels like everything is wrong. He eyes his tattoos on the left arm.

 

I can't change, his wrist says. Because seasons change, but people don't.

 

He trails over the water sign on his left wrist, his thoughts back in time when he got questioned about it. It's not like Harry actually believes in some Zodiac signs, not really. This is a thing he read it in some girl’s magazine and came across Zodiac signs, and of course stumbled over Aquarius out of a habit. Maybe to have a good laugh at the stupidity people can believe in, to be suddenly taken aback with sentence: Aquarius doesn't see the difference between best friends and love of their life, because there’s no difference between those two to them.

 

The pinnacle of irony does finally have a meaning to Harry. _It's a level under a vegetarian Vampire and rude Hannibal._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just.   
> Leave.   
> Quietly.


	16. Do or die.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I always up for a die," sounds the instant reply.
> 
> He makes half a step away from her.
> 
> "Eddie?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hook ups, alcohol and mistakes.

"Hi," Ed breathes into Harry's curls.

He's beginning to understand Louis' fetish for Harry's hair. They smell of something wonderful. And he's so glad to see Harry - and that he's alright.

"Hi, Eddie," the younger boy smiles and lets his friend rest in his arms for a bit.

Harry knows he's happy to see him.

"Let's go, I'll introduce you to the rest." 

There's not a word spoken about the remaining members of One direction, nor is he mentioning anything that could bring out a memory of them, not even that Tweet. Ed brings Harry to the main room where people are already sat - two tattoo artists, Stan and Kevin, both covered in tattoos on their arms, chests and necks and with several piercings, two ladies, probably Ed's friends, and three boys. One of them is Ben, Harry knows that one from before, he's one of Ed's management people. They shake hands like old friends and say their 'hello's.

"You know Ben, nice guy, going to get tattooed today as well, aren't you, bro? That one there, that's Dom," he points to a brunette boy who stands the closest. "He used to go to school with me, old friends, you know. And James, we go out clubbing sometimes; gentlemen, this is Harry Styles."

Harry's smiling, all of Ed's friends always seemed likable to him, they're all similar to Ed himself. Chill people; nice, loyal and friendly.

"Ladies, ladies!" Ed tries to get their attention. "I want you to meet Harry, Harry, this is Elis, a model for who-knows-whom, and Clara...,"

It's not like he has to listen to Ed's rambling. It doesn't matter who they are. Neither of them falls into a fit of fangirling, they're obviously both arrogant and that's exactly what Harry's comfortable with these days. Girls who don't care he's famous, they'll play with him for a while and he'll play with them, then their roads will part as quickly as they crossed. Harry's sure Ed has invited those two especially because of him. Just the fact that they're so not Ed's type, but so much Harry's. He's eyeing the redhead one downright hungrily. Yum, he licks his lips absentmindedly. He looks her up and down, having already forgotten her name. She's more arrogant than the other one and sex before the pain that awaits him is not a bad idea at all.

"Nice to meet you," Harry smirks just as uppishly as her.

"Beer?" asks the other one, a brunette. "I'm not giving anything stronger to a child, Eddie."

Ed laughs, although his remark has teeth. "He's already been 18, Elis."

Rolling her eyes, she pours Harry a glass of whiskey. And she's not skimpish about it. "So, Harry-who-has-been-18-already," murmurs the readhead with a sneer. "To pain."

"To art," Harry corrects her, grinning.

That gets him points. The girl might be 25 more or less. Laughing, through their toast she shares her glass of juice with him, then makes a stilted gesture with her hand with perfect manicure. "No kiss?"

Breaking into laughter, Harry turns his head and forgets about his personality, falling himself into a role what management wants him to have. _Flings are beneficial sometimes_. Hugging her around the shoulders - he's bloody tall for his barely eighteen - he turns his head to a side, not even trying to be shy. The deep kiss lacks any level of interest or love; it's carnal, and heavy, and full of sex. Who knows, maybe she's betrayed, or broken, too, looking for a hiding place, seeking comfort in a slimple hook-up. The kiss tastes of expensive alcohol and smells of even more expensive parfume. He likes the ginger hair. _Who cares about a name._

Pushing her into the wall with his hand next to her head, he ends the kiss and brushes his groin lightly along her abdomen, whispering into her ear: "Do or die."

"I always up for a die," sounds the instant reply.

He makes half a step away from her.

"Eddie?" he's looking into her eyes and calling to his friend quietly. He's sure Ed's just a few feet away. He always is.

"First door on the right," Ed answers, even though this is the first time Harry's done something like this.

"Love you," Harry murmurs, his eyes set on the lips of his randomly-choosen lady friend.

"Harry," Ed adresses him softly when the girl pushes off the wall and heads for the first floor.

A packet is pressed into his hand. Too small for a packet of cards. He doesn't spare his friend a look, smiling a bit. He has always wanted the best for him.

Harry follows the girl, finding her leaning on a door to the room that Ed has lent them so kindly. The bed is made, curtains drawn, the furniture spare. Hugging her, he gets past her lips once again. Passion tangles with desire and want of simple sex, both of them on the same wavelenght, grown courageous with alcohol which the girl has so cleverly brought with her; they don't care to shut the door behind themselves. Still kissing, they move to the bed, Harry loses his shirt and the girl swallows a mouthful of whiskey right from the bottle and falls on her knees. Harry steals it from her and when he's three gulps in he feels the ginger unbuckle his belt, then undo the button and the zipper. While he's getting down the fourth and fifth gulp of the strong liquor, soft fingers run down his erection. Swallowing, he lets the taste flow through his body, closes his eyes and lets her do what she can. And she can.

The ginger head moves up and down quite quickly, talented mouth and deepthroating prove girl's exitement. Wetness and hotness and speed and urgency, they make Harry go for rash dominance, he needs to get the anger out of his system, needs to do something what proves that there's at least a single thing - or being - he's able to get control over. He reaches for her hair and tugs on it harshly. Looking into her brown eyes, he lifts her up and pushes her backwards. The girl yelps as she's falling down into the bed. Harry's eyes flash and he kneels over her, his palm sliding from her calf to the thight and then under her skirt. Her black stockings feel so good under his fingertips, he doesn't want to get them off her. Instead of that, he caresses the other tight with his second hand, but in the moment his palms meet over her lap, another wave of anger makes him tear the yielding cloth apart. He doesn't bother to get rid of the miniature panties she's wearing, nor of his own jeans, his cock demands attention and the girl seems to not mind his approach to sex, contrary to that, it looks like she welcomes it.

"Take me," she whispers seductively, unbuttoning her blouse; there's nothing underneath.

The packet of condoms Ed slipped to him downstirs is still in his hands. Opening it, he unwraps one and puts it on. The girl is silent, fixing Harry with her stare. She opens her legs wide but doesn't wrap them around Harry's waist, and stretches her arms above her head - let's let the at-least-seven-years-younger boy, the just-eighteen kid, do whatever he wants. Harry's not about to decline.

Biting her neck, he palms her breasts, not caring to get her off. It seems like she won't ask for anything or change anything. Her nipples are wholly another matter though. Bending down, he gets one into his mouth, circles his tongue around it and runs his teeth over it, sucking, and then biting lightly; the girl moans out his name. Harry likes the fact her pleasure is in his command and, smirking, he intensifies the hold, while his other hand travels from her hip, over smooth armpit, caressing the lower side of her arm, forearm and wrist, then going back again. He can feel the shudders running through her and for a second he thinks of changing his style, but the redhead stops him firmly.

"I need a man, not a lesbian!"

Harry cackles and, maybe because of the satisfaction, maybe to punish her, his palm changes its direction without warning, reaches her lap, his fingers move the panties aside and with no preparation or warning he slams inside of her.


	17. Nervous cows and taxi drivers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey, fuck you all, Harry loves Niall, and Larry is load of bullshit, cause Louis is pure heterosexual bear wrestler aaaand he's dating Eleanor - who happens to be A GIRL - so yeah, Larry is complete load of fuckin' bullshit, Larry fans!!"
> 
> But Harry's sure that there would be one or two fans who would absolutly inconspiciuously declare something like: "Soooo, Harry and Louis had anal that night, right?"

Chapter 16: Standing around a cow makes said cow nervous

 

"Has something happend?" Ed asks Harry inconspiciuously the moment Harry walks down the stairs.

"What makes you think so?" Harry wonders.

"You've been up there quite long, I expected a quickie..." Ed mumbles.

Laughing, Harry slaps his friend's ass.

"Good mood, hm? It'll go away," Ed chuckles. "C'mon, it's your turn, I told Kevin what you seek and he found this one," Ed shows Harry a picture of his maybe-soon-be tattoo.

"Where will it be?" the tattoo artist asks in rough voice.

 _He asks in the manner of taxi drivers_ , Harry rolls his eyes. _To London Bridge, so I can jump off, please._ Taking off his shirt he points out a place on his side, little bellow the bird cage, closer to belly then back.

Kevin nods, not surprised. "How big?"

Harry stares at the picture. "About the same size, or just a bit smaller."

The tattoo artist nods in understanding while Ed hands Harry another glass of expensive alcohol. Patting his shoulder, Harry founds a comfortable position.

"You want a towel?" Ed asks softly.

Harry shakes his head and drinks up what's given to him. He doesn't notice the desinfection being put on, nor the annoying sound of the gun, he's trying to prepare for the pain. It's always the same, although he always hopes that the pain might be less intense this time. At the same time he wishes so much that the pain would be so terrible it could kill him. Or it could make him faint and just sleep through the pain. And no, it's not really the physical pain he thinks about.

But he knows his hopes will go in vain.

Not uttering a single word, Ed sits down beside Harry and wraps his hand around Harry's arm, pressing down, trying to hold his stare with his eyes. He needs to pour the inner strenght he's feeling into his friend, but Harry's so numbed that the pain seems somehow smaller today. Or perhaps it's truly what he needs. After all that mental terror and all the mess that's been around the relief has finally come. Finally. Literally. Pressing his lips together, he lets the artist work his magic. _Breathe steadily. Don't move._ It works.

Ed can't just stand witness to the boy's agony. He knows it'll be around for several more hours. Three, maybe four, if they have a break. He slowly strokes Harry's hair, takes his hand into his in the way that doesn't hurt Harry, nor interrupts the artist at work. He watches Harry's face, contorted in pain. He tries to dismiss the annoying sound of the gun he knows so well himself. Smiling a little, Harry gives his friend a tired look before closing his eyes, looking for a place to direct his thoughts to.

He seeks refuge in beautiful memories that hold the power of tearing him out of reality, but at the same time he wants to let himself drown in it. Maybe, just maybe, if he lived through a pain so horrible and let his depression take part, he could at least die, if nothing else. He grimaces, what have his thoughts become? He truly is too young for a cynic. The memory of recently done rough sex passes accidentaly through his head. He hopes, just a little bit, that the girl has forgotten about him already. Might be she has, what with the bottle of whiskey. Haha. Yeah, sarcasm. Hm, this could do, he mostly doesn't think about the pain. He can comment on every girl he has ever slept with. Hahaha, he doesn't remember half of them and doesn't really want to remember the second half. That's the thing he truly cannot complain about - the shortage of sex. If he hadn't known the words from before he was _the_ Harry Styles from One direction, he probably wouldn't have known what the hell does it mean  - he get's laid anytime, anywhere, with whoever around these days. A clear advantage. Although it's probaly the only one.

But it's not about the sex. Has never been. He doesn't even enjoy it. Might be he has had too much of it. And his only eighteen. What's he going to do when he's twenty? It doesn't mean anything to him. But during sex, he can forget about who he is and let himself be carried away from the reality, even if just for a little while.

...Harry - the philosopher.

Perhaps he should grow a beard. And everyone should call him Aristotle. _Standing around a cow makes said cow nervous._ He should probably turn his back to the carrier of a pop star and simply go mad somewhere far from any civilization. Well, considering his state, he could go crazy right now with no problems, not even needing that beard, nor a banana, nor a ninja. Yeah, Harry, dumb ideas, that sounds like you. But he knows a lot of cows. And all of them grow nervous when he's around. Some cry, some want to fuck him, some... well, maybe he doesn't want to know what some fans would like to do with him.

Out of the blue, he remembers a recent meeting with fans in Sweden - the local fandom had been quite... let's say more smutty than the other ones (but Tumblr...).

_"Harry, Harry, marry me!"_

_"Not eveeeen!! Harry, marry me, let's have two children, a dog and a house with a garden near the sea!"_

_"Fuck you, HARRY FUCK ME and then we can get married!"_

_"Omigosh, get out of my way, hetfan! Hey, Styles - go and marry Niall instead!"_

_"I'd love thaat!"_

_"Yeah, Styles, Styles! Go and have naughty sex with Niall!"_

_"Oh, fuck you - god, um, I mean, Styles! Go and make babies with Louis!"_

_"Shit, nooooo! No Larry, it's sooo odd! Harry, get the fuck your ass on top of - "_

_"Shit to that, Harry tops when it comes to Niall!"_

_"NARRY FEELS, NARRY FEEEEEEEEELS!"_

_"But when it comes to Louis... Harry bottoms."_

_"LARRY FEELS, LARRY FEEEEEEEEELS!!!"_

_"Yeah, but I want Narry lovemaking!"_

_"And what about Harry's lovemaking with both of them?"_

_"Hey, I actually like that idea…"_

_"No way, no way! Louis is Sass Queen, which means no lovemaking but a lot of dirty, dirty, dirty sex!"_

_"Aaaand dirty, dirty, dirty sex means it has to be really rough threesome with Harry topping Niall and Louis topping Harry!"_

_"ALL DA AWARDS to you, beautiful person!"_

_"HelldafuqYEAAAAH!"_

_"Shit go fuck yourself cause my feeeeeeels!!!"_

_"Oh, fuck yeah!"_

_"I hope you BURN IN HELL like my FEELS RIGHT NOW!!!"_

_"Nourry feeeeeels!!!"_

_"ASDFGHJK!!!"_

_"There's a special place in HELL for you!!!"_

_"Nourry feels!!! NOURRY FEEEEELS!!!"_

_"LET'S TREND NOURRY ON TWITTER!"_

_"Fanbase alert, FANBASE ALERT!!! Nourry feels, NOURRY FEEEEEEEEEEEELS!!!"_

_"LOVE U!"_

_"Marry me!"_

_"I'm so done BYEEE!"_

He had been scared of them just a bit, but on the other hand, the group of fans standing closest to him had been like his own blood. They had had a wonderful sense of humor and, truth be told, when they started a debate about his relationship with the other boys, they forgot about him. Or so it had seemed. The talk started with a question: What type of sex Harry has with which member? and carried on to Which one of us am I going to marry? because that one is prettier than this one and they all love each other and they want a Nourry sextape and then Harry just left, because otherwise he would have died from laughter. He loves their fanbase, loves the humor of those girls, loves the fandom that formed itself for them, the jokes they give them, adores reading their fanfictions, because they're beautiful and funny and more often than not really touching.

Hm, what would the debate look like now, after that 'Larry cause'? Many and many fans would surely scream.

_"Hey, fuck you all, Harry loves Niall, and Larry is load of bullshit, cause Louis is pure heterosexual (bear wrestler) aaaand he's dating Eleanor - who happens to be A GIRL - so yeah, Larry is complete load of fuckin' bullshit, Larry fans!!"_

But Harry's sure that there would be one or two fans who would absolutly inconspiciuously declare something like:

_"Soooo, Harry and Louis had anal that night, right?"_

He tries to keep a straight face but he has read too many stories about this, has heard too many fans and seen to many Tumblrs and tweets to not laugh. But he knows better than to move and put in danger the work of the tattoo artist. Instead he breathes shallowly and holds his breath.

The laughter leaves him as soon as he remembers that that tweet wasn't one of Louis' teasing and silly jokes. He meant it. Maybe he wrote it with his ming angry, so it wasn't as diplomatic as it would've been otherwise, but it still meant that Louis wants to have nothing to do with him - apart from work. And who knows even about that.

They have never had sex together. Apart from few... uhm, well... You do what you have to do.

...right?


	18. Looks better than a scar.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis hugged him tighter and Harry had the balls to kiss his neck. They’ve known each other for literally like two months now, already addicted to each other. Going straight for the most intimate gestures with each other, which other contestants doubted were straight at all, they’ve made a name for themselves very quickly, being the cheeky and funny duo they were. And when they were parted just for few hours, moments like this one happened.

This simple remark makes him think of all the situations, all the memories, all the things him and Louis have been through. Like, at the absolute beginning, when they’ve been formed in X-Factor and all those first days, their first summer, the bungalow, the Spain trip, all the weeks in the X-Factor house. Everything was new, everything was funny, everything was perfect, because he’s found his best friend, the person he clicked with immediately, a person who felt like he's known for eternity.

 

_„Hey, Hazza,“ Louis said with cheeky smile, hugging his best friend around his waits just like every few minutes. „I missed you.“_

_„You literally saw me like three hours ago,“ Harry laughed and hugged Louis back around his neck. „I was just with Zayn for a bit.“_

_„Yeah, I know, but now, being together like all time nowadays, I miss you when you leave just for few hours. I got used to you, Haz, I take your love for granted now, you know, Louis whispered._

_Harry smiled happily to his friend‘s neck. „I was thinking of you the entire time, tho. He barked at me I’m not even listening to him, Zayn, haha.“_

_Louis hugged him tighter and Harry had the balls to kiss his neck. They’ve known each other for literally like two months now, already addicted to each other. Going straight for the most intimate gestures with each other, which other contestants doubted were straight at all, they’ve made a name for themselves very quickly, being the cheeky and funny duo they were. And when they were parted just for few hours, moments like this one happened._

_„Oh, I don't want to get between you and Zayn,“ Louis said. „Your bond is as important as mine and yours.“_

_„No, it's not,“ Harry said silently, tensing a bit, not really sure if he didn´t  overstep any boundary, but it seems like Louis doesn't really have any limits to this friendship, whatever it really was._

_Harry could feel the last of Louis‘ tension disappear, and all there was left was comfortable silence and tight hug, that didn´t  seem to end any time soon._

 

There’s sharp pain on his rib, jerking his body awake from his thoughts. He hisses and curses, confused look on his face. The tattoo artists apologizes, he pushed the tattoo gun deeper into his skin by accident.  Ed squeezes his hand. Those people around them don't seem to pay any attention to them, and the music loud enough to cover his cry. Harry grips Ed’s hand, hiding his face to his neck. Tattoo artist remains professional, there are weirder people and weirder ways of coping with the pain.

 

_Ed’s hug is helping, Harry calms down again, relaxing to the pain he got used to long time ago. Ed’s body is shielding him from all the people here and Harry feels warm and safe enough. But the shape is wrong and so is the smell. It's not his Louis._

_No matter what, they were always together, but that day in particular Harry followed his older friend like a puppy. It was lovely, strangely gentle and innocent and Louis felt like he needs to protect the silly boy._

_„Harry? Something wrong?“_

_It was like 1st or 2nd week in X-Factor, and they were pretty sure they already were best friends for life._

_„Huh?“ Harry murmured. „Oh, nothing, I just…“_

_„I just…?“ Louis raised his eyebrows. Was it something important, Harry was clearly unsure or uncomfortable about?_

_„I just...“ the puppy repeated. „You smell nice.“_

_Harry looks ashamed and shy, something Harry rarely is now, but was quite alot, back then._

_Louis laughed a bit, trying to cover his blushing, and hugged his young friend tightly. Was this little weirdo really following him like a shadow just because of his nice smell? Really? Louis couldn’t help it, Harry was one of an adorable puppy. He ruffed his hair lovingly while answering: „Well thank you, baby Hazza, you do indeed smell very nice today.“_

 

Another memory fills his brain immediately.

 

„ _You look so sexy today,“ Louis whispered in the middle of rehearsal._

_„Hot damn, would you look at this sexy beast,“ Harry caught on instantly._

_„Watch your moves, hottie, or else I teach you few more,“ Louis licked his lips seductively, making Zayn and Niall  burst in silent giggles, and Liam blushed furiously._

_Do they need to be this inappropriate?_

_„Oh, you know I’d love you to teach me a lesson or two,“ Harry swung his hips, staring at Louis hungrily._

_“You are being a naughty boy, Harold,” Louis said darkly, which sounded kind of dangerous, but mostly really, really sexy._

_If harry remembers correctly, it was the first momend he thought about Louis in sexual context. It was a long, hard day._

 

There is so many thoughts after that. Louis holding his hand under a table during an interview, harry sneaking into  Louis’ hotel room, both of them hugging for some pictures, their families, a trip for Alps, Harry sleeping on Louis’ shoulder, Louis cuddling in with Harry, every sunday morning. Both of them crying the night they’ve been told off from X-Factor.  And both of them promising each other they will move in together in London. Which they did. Two amazing years of fun, cuddling, games, music, traveling and being best friends. It was the time of Harry’s life, and so it was for Louis, at least that’s what Harry thought. He thought nothing could come between the two of them. Not even the gods above, not the fans infront, not the management behind them, not the families beside them.

 

He was so, _so_ wrong.

 

Niall is right, Tattoos are like selfharm for him. They just leave beautiful pictures instead of scars. Is it helping? Is there any difference? Maybe he just doesn’t think of anything else, really. Lately he’s been thinking of the blade in his bathroom more. He’s never done this, Zayn and Louis had some history in those things and Harry didn’t want to bring it up, ever.

 

He tries to resist his thoughts about bathroom, red marks on the floor and white tiles. It seems to be calming. Kind of sweet, humming, familiar… happy. But mostly quiet. And calm.

 

Is the tattoo only a kind of coping with reality, or is it a “get ready for something more” kind thing?

 

“Kev, can you give us a moment, please?” Ed suggests.

 

 

"Yeah, no problem, mate.”

 

Harry doesn’t react. He’s crying hysterically, hiding his face in Ed’s neck and he doesn’t let him to look him in the eye. He’s in the middle of anxiety attack or something like that, because he’s shaking, he can’t catch his breath, he can’t sort out his thoughts, he can’t...

 


	19. A god dammned show.

„Shh, Harry, hey now! Please stop scaring me like this, calm down, please.. I’m here, Haz, just look at me, will ya? Harry, talk to me, please, just look at me, I promise I can help you, just breathe in, okay? Look at me, Harry… Just tell me what's going on? Harry, talk to me, breathe in!“

 

People don't mind, music is loud, they are safe here, noone’s paying attention to them.

 

„Harry, please, breathe in! Calm down, I’m here, it's gonna be okay, mate, you need to believe me, okay? Ill help you through this, I promise!“

 

It's Ed’s words and his voice what brings Harry down to earth. He breathes in sharply, his lungs hurting, body shaking, tears streaming down his face, but he started breathing again, albeit he seems exhausted and broken, he's breathing and looking at Ed.

 

„I‘m here,“ Ed says, ruffling Harry’s hair, calmer now, but his heart is still racing. „I’m here. You are not alone in this.“

 

Harry breathes out, trying to calm down now that he can. It takes minutes for him to even his breathing, but his body is still shaking slightly. Ed wishes he could do something, but there is nothing to do, except for one thing – and that thing being Harry‘s shit ass best friend. His only luck is, Harry needs company now, so Ed won’t go and kick his stupid sassy curvy ass off this planet. When the tattoo artist comes back, Ed asks him for local anesthetic to finish Harry’s tattoo. He doesn't really do that, but he probably understands something is going on, something different than the pleasurable pain from a tattoo, seeing the kid has quite a bunch of those.

 

Ed would say Harry has fallen asleep. He stopped crying and sniffing, his breath becomes even and his body relaxes. Kev works in silence and Ed gently strokes Harry’s scalp, thinking of this entire situation. What the fuck happened? Yes, Louis could be a dick, but it seemed like he can't even try and be rude to Harry, ever. So what's this mess about? It really doesn't make any sense. He's usually very patient, that's why he loves kids, he doesn't mind some overreactions, he doesn't mind explaining things over and over, so… where is the problem? And they have few gay friends, he’s never seemed to be homophobic, and all the jokes with Harry and his old friends from Donny…

 

 

He shouldn’t be left alone, Ed decides. Maybe it would be safer for him to come back home for a while? No, probably not, his family would question him and Harry is not ready for this, yet alone answering those. Usually he wouldn't have to care about it, knowing there is noone better on taking care of Harry than Louis is, shielding the boy with his own body, protecting him from every single negative thing, talking to him and making him understand things he's too young to understand, like management moves and PR work.

 

Maybe the other members of the band? Maybe it could be better, to move in with one of them. Ed would love to stay and take Harry to his place, spending days just writing songs, chilling and playing video games, maybe partying few nights and drinking it away, but Ed’s leaving in two days for European tour.

 

But maybe Zayn… no, no, he isn't a good match right now. He’s going through some shit himself, and he's got a girlfriend and Harry needs understanding, not rage – which is Zayn full of now it seems. Maybe Liam? Nah, he just broke up with his girlfriend, too. They have few spare days of freedom, this wouldn’t do any good. And he is responsible and nice in a very puppy way, but he’s missing a certain type of sympathy, and empathy, for that matter.

 

Niall, then. He was talking about some plans with his Irish friends, but Ed is sure he’s still in London, and knowing the young lad, he loves Harry and takes good care of him. Above that, Niall seems to understand Harry’s relationship with Louis the most. Maybe it's a good idea. He reaches for his phone, sending Niall a text.

 

I need you to come to mine for Harry.

 

It's about half a minute, and he recieves a simple text message: Half an hour.

 

Niall is the best. He never asks questions. He does as his friends need him to do, he doesn't freak out, he's tolerant and loving, and he doesn’t promise a death penalty to any other member of the band. Well, usually. He's not sure about the Narry relationship, tho. It's pretty unique. It's somehow gentler than Louis‘ and Harry’s friendship, with… boundaries more visible, Ed would say. Niall opens the door, spots Ed on the sofa and Harry in his lap. He doesn't ask questions, he sees Harry doesn't have his shirt on and a part of his side is covered with a bandage.

 

„Hey, mate,“ Ed greets him, trying to lift Harry and himself up.

 

"Hi. Ill take him to mine,“ Niall decides.

 

Niall helps him to get the youngest boy in a taxi.

 

„Thanks, Niall.“ You are the real bro here.

 

Niall smiles sadly at him, but doesn't say a word. The driver seems annoyed as he asked, with thick western accent, if the kiddo over there is gonna be sick or what, and he isn't here for cleaning the mess.“

 

„I‘ve got him,“ Niall says dryly. „Just drive us home.“

 

„He’s had some kind of panic attack earlier,“ Ed murmurs to the blond. „Keep an eye on him, will you.“

 

„I will. Ill say you love him, when he wakes up. And thank you. For calling me.“

 

Ed shakes his head, he loves the curly kid, too. „See you, Ni.“

 

„See ya, mate.“

 

Niall takes off his coat, covering Harry’s upper half with it, hugging him close and trying not to wake him up. He sighs. Harry, baby, what are you doing to yourself…? This is gonna be along week. The media are fed up good, and management must be really proud, because every single one tabloids are writing about the bullshit situation. But the situation in the band is going to be worse. Zayn isn't talking to Louis, Louis doesn't talk to anyone, Liam has no idea what's going on and Niall doesn't have nerves for this.

 

Ed goes back to the house, heading upstairs right away. He's not in the mood for a party right now. In the room he finds a confused redheaded girl, the one who Harry had earlier tonight. He says hi and she smiles, looking him deep in the eye. Ed comes closer to her, kisses her on her lips, cups her face with one hand. He can feel Harry on her somehow. But he doesn't mind. She opens her mouth for him and he reaches under her skirt. When he spots the torn nylons, he chuckles: Harry doesn't give a fuck about anything, obviously. She spreads her legs and he gives up on thinking.

 

 _That’s what they want_ , Ed realizes, when she’s unzipping his trousers _. God dammed show, alit up billboard in the middle of hell._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea when is gonna be the next part.   
> But if you leave some kudos/comment/dead body/cookies, i should be up soon.   
> Thank yall so much.   
> (Cookies and dead bodies leave on slashandspol.tumblr.com/ask)


	20. Narry the bromance.

Niall looks back at Harry, sleeping in his bed, his face blank, breath even. Hopefully he's not having any bad dreams. He looks back to his laptop, scrolling through twitter, reading reactions on the bullshit tweet. It seems like fans don't really think it was Louis who has tweeted this, he either had to do it or management did so. Larry fans are making fun of it. 

"Hmrffffff,"

They have a concert in few days, they have to work it out. At least pretend to be. He wonders management haven't done anything about this. Maybe they talked to Louis in private. 

"Hmrffffff…“

Niall turns around, eyeing Harry, who is about to wake up. He's squirming and groaning a bit, probably hung over and in pain from the tattoo. Niall comes in rushing to his bed, ruffling his hand through Harry’s hair. 

„Harry?“

„What? Wh… huh,“ Harry murmurs. „‘m sorry, Eddie, i didn´t want to… freak out, you know? I’m… I’m really… sorry…“ 

Niall knows there's no way they can have a chat when Harry's like this. He caresses his hair just like Louis does for him when he was sick or so, Harry purrs contently and curls in a ball. He has slept for like fourteen hours, he could be awake, huh? He opens his eyes, tho, looking at the covers of the bed he is laying in, the wall across, and finally, Nialls small figure. He is at Niall’s? Why? Where’s Ed? What happened? Shit, he probably embarrassed him in front of his friends, crying like a baby and freaking out for no reason. Fuck this. 

„Harry? You awake, mate?“

„Ni… hi. I'm sorry, I’ve… um, I'm sorry. You know, for yesterday. I don't really know what – fuck! Ouch! Shit, what's…“ 

„Hey!“ Niall catches him by his arm, making him stop his movements. „You have a tattoo on your side, remember?“

„Oh, yeah… yeah,“ Harry nods, remembering by pieces what happened last night. „I know. Thanks, Ni. You… probably had to carry me here.“ 

Yes, he had to, but hey, they’re brothers, so Niall shrugs. „It's alright. How do you feel?“ 

„Good,“ Harry lies. „It's… I mean, my head… is killing me, and my side hurts a bit, but otherwise I'm good.“ 

„Hm, hm. Ed says he loves you, by the way. You should message him, he was really worried about you.“ 

„Yeah, I will.. thank you. And. You know, for.. taking care of me. 

„Don't,“ Niall shakes his head. „Don't talk about it, it's fine. You’d do the same for me.“ 

Harry nods, that's true. Harry sits up and Niall stands up, giving him space, but watching him worriedly. „You could… you know, you can stay here, if you want. I don't mind company, and it's not like i have any plans.“ 

„No, I don't wanna… be bother, you have your plans, I know your friends are supposed to arrive here in few hours. Don't worry, love, I'm fine. And thank you for that, too… I just… You know, lost it, yesterday. I'm fine, promise.“ 

„Are… are you sure?“ Niall doesn't believe him at all. But if Harry needs space, to be alone and think, he can respect that. 

„Yeah… yeah. I… actually, I think I need few days alone, you know. Maybe… maybe I’ll go to my mum for a while.“ 

Yeah, that's a thing Niall can accept. 

„Okay. I’ll get you some water and painkillers. You gonna eat something? I made myself full English, and kinda have more than I can eat at once. You join me?“ 

Harry smiles gently at his friend: „How could i ever refuse good full english from my favourite Leprechaun.“ 

 

„Idiot,“ Niall laughs lovingly. „Take a shower, there's an unopened pack of toothbrushes under the sink.“ 

„Thank you.“ 

„Also in my closet you find whatever you want to wear. I think like half of the things there are yours or Liams, anyway.“ 

Harry noticed he said Liam’s, not Louis‘, albeit Harry is sure he wanted to say their leader’s name. He’s glad he didn´t , tho. 

„Thanks. I really love you, you know.“ 

Niall shrugs again: „Anything, bro.“ 

He knows Haz isn't okay. He knows he's not, noone is at this point. Noone knows what's happening, noone knows what's next. Louis isn't talking to anyone, it seems like he’d disappeared. Zayn is stressed and Liam said he had like fifteen cigs just this morning, and Liam himself is trying to reach Louis, desperate for answers, but he doesn't answer any of his texts, aside of „I'm in Donny, catch ya later“, that all the members received. Even Harry, Niall checked his phone. 

Niall doesn't like where is this heading. Noone talking, everyone waiting. Their friendship needs to be strong, they are getting bigger every day, Louis can't just split them up like this?! What an arrogant prick. What if they call it a day? What if Zayn and Harry start of solo career, Louis goes back to football and maybe he starts his acting career, just like he always wanted? 

How to help his friends to make up, when there wasn’t any argument in the first place?! This is – this isn't really… nah. It’s too soon to think like this. The decision of their band doesn't rely only on their members. They have record deals, management ties and other stuff. And their fans, of course. They can't just say bye like this. 

They just can't. 

 

Right?! 

He tries not to think about this. He makes tea and splits the breakfast in half, he tries to think of a plan for him and his friends – but his thoughts always on the Larry thing, bullshit tweet, the band and future. Maybe that's why he almost jumps off his skin, when tho hands hugs him around his waist and a chin is placed on his shoulder. 

„Harry! Fucking shit, mate!“ Niall yells, but laughs right after. 

„Sorry,“ Harry replies gently, placing a kiss on the blonds’ cheek. „I just wanted to say thank you. I sobered up in the shower, and thank you so much for taking care of me. You are literally my angel with Irish luck, right?“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.   
> If you wanna chat me up, you can find me on punk-cocks.tumblr.com


	21. Get me out of my mind – and get you out of those clothes.

Niall laughs softly and Harry leans in for another quick kiss on his cheek. He's adorable, Niall thinks, as he replies: „Of course I am. You are my favourite, you know.“

 

Harry chuckles gently and releases Niall, so he can make two cups of tea.

 

„I'm gonna call a cab, yeah?“

 

Niall sighs and contemplates to call off his plans completely – he doesn't want Harry to be alone in this. „Are… are you sure you don't wanna stay? It’d be awesome, you, me, junk food, booze, videogames, friends…“

 

He knows Harry's gonna say no, but even though he can't just let that go. He’d rather for him to stay, to make sure he's alright, he's got someone to talk to and cuddle to.

 

But Harry just laughs out loud, which sends chills down his spine; this wasn’t funny. That was dark and sarcastic, and Harry never is any of those, unless he's about to break down.

 

„Don't worry, Niall, I am not dying, promise. Yeah? I'm just gonna go and be sad for a while, maybe wite some song, yeah? I should, I'm all heartbroken, and shit, you know.“

 

He's laughing and he doesn't sound smiley or entertained. He sounds creepy and broken and cynical. Niall doesn't like any little bit of it. And, fuck. These are the moments Harry doesn't listen to anyone except for Louis and maybe Ed – and they are both gone now.

 

„Okay,“ Niall breathes out, unsure. „Let me just... call Liam, yeah? Call a cab and have a breakfast, love, be my guest.“

 

Niall smiles gently and places kiss on Harry's neck as he lays the plate in front of him. Then he disappears back to his bedroom, writing a message to Ed. He wishes he could just take Harry to Louis, leave him there knowing Louis is the one and only and he always takes care of Harry, no matter what. He ditches every plan just to be with his favourite Hazza. Or at least he used to. Now he’s got no more options. His message to Ed is short and despairing.

 

Make him stay at mine’s.

 

He doesn't need to wait for an answer, Ed’s calling him right back.

 

„Hi, how’s he?“

 

„He's… fine, hung over, but not in pain. But he wants to go home. He says he wants to go to his mum, but I feel he’s not going to. He stays alone in the flat, I know him. But I can't really stop him, can I. And he’s really sarcastic, talking about writing songs now that he’s fucked up.“

 

„That's not really a good idea, is it. But you know how he is, stubborn as a bull, not even Louis can make him change his mind everytime. I just… okay, I’ll call him now, try and be surprised, I don't want him to feel like we are ganging up on him or something.“

 

„Yeah. Good luck on stage tonight, bro. Love you,“ Niall says softly.

 

„See ya soon, mate, Love you too.“

 

He flips his phone in hand, thinking about actually ringing Liam. If he’d join in, they could make Harry stay, just chill or write songs or something. He doesn't want him to be alone. And he doesn't want him to shut himself off of them. Niall comes back to the kitchen, still not sure what to do. Harry sits comfortably on a chair, watching a SpongeBob episode. He is smiling to himself a bit, full of sadness and nostalgia.

 

 

„Thanks, Ni, once again. You know.“

 

Nialls shakes his head, he doesn't want him to thank him, he wants him to stay and talk to him. He eyes his phone, predicting when it starts to ring. Harry drinks his tea and it doesn't seem like he's getting up and leaving. Niall relaxes, sits down too, sipping his own tea. He decides to be quiet, if he speaks up, Harry might remember and leave. His phone rings in like ten minutes.

 

„Ed,“ Harry says out loud, looking at the screen. „Hey, Eddie.“

 

„Hi, how is it going? Did I woke you up?“

 

„No, no, of course you haven't,“ Harry smiles. He's happy to hear him. „Are you mad at me?“

 

„Shit no, babe. It's okay, that's why we’re friends, right? What about the tattoo, still hurts?“

 

„No… no. I'm probably too drunk, yet, I think,“ Harry chuckles softly.

 

„Okay. Are you at Nialls, right? I called your mum, she saw some things on twitter, so I just let her know you are okay and stuff, yeah? Maybe you should call her yourself? I’ll be back in good old England within a week or so. Can you make it without me, there?“ he teases his young friend.

 

„Hardly, but I’ll manage,“ Harry laughs softly. „And I am really sorry for yesterday. I just… got caught up in my thoughts and the alcohol didn´t  really help I think.“

 

„That's alright, you’re not the first one, and definitely not the last. Don't worry about it,“ Ed says to him honestly.

 

„And thanks for letting my mum know. Ill call her, don't worry, I probably go to hers anyway. I'm just about to call  cab, i need to get home, have some sleep and I think I need some alone time. Maybe I’ll call Nick? Grimshaw, you know.“

 

Oh thanks god, Ed and Niall both think to themselves.

 

„Yeah, that Grimmy guy, huh? He seems to be fun to be around. Okay, babe, I need to go, they’re calling me in now. If anything, just call me, or Niall, or Zayn and Liam, okay? They’re all in London. Don't worry, we won't let you down. Love you bro.“

 

„Love you too.“

 

Niall can't help the gentle silly smile on his face. He loves their relationship, brotherhood at it finest. But not even he could make Harry stay. Niall sighs at that, but walks Harry out of his apartment, when he starts got get ready.

 

„Let me know, if you go to your mum, yeah? Id rather know where you are. Maybe join you, if you gonna go clubbing, huh? The Grimshaw guy seems chill.“

 

„Yeah, of course I will. Thanks for the breakfast, tho,“ Harry smiles and hugs his older friend around his waist. „I just need some distraction. Maybe… some female distraction, too.“

 

Niall barks a laugh and hugs him back tightly around his neck. „That's always a good start, yeah? Take care, mate.“

 

„I will,“ Harry promises and gets in the cab, waiting in front of Niall’s house. But the truth is, Harry needs some time to be sad, probably, but distraction isn't such a bad idea. _I need to get me out of my mind – and get you out of those clothes_.

 

…Even though they weren't so great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theres alot of falloutboy references in this fanfic, isnt it...?  
> If you want to talk to me, I live on punk-cocks.tumblr.com


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